


Even in my darkest moments you help me find a light.

by Tomostyles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Attempted Suicide, Confused Harry, Crying, Depression, Drunkenness, Forced Sex, Harry is a bit of a nerd, Harry is done with Louis shit, Heartbreak, Hurt Louis, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parties, Partying, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self Harm, Triggers, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-01 00:14:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 29,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13282866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomostyles/pseuds/Tomostyles
Summary: Louis and Harry are roommates at university, it’s only when something terrible happens Harry realizes how much Louis means to him and helps him rebuild his life piece after piece and maybe just maybe they’ll fall in love.





	1. Confession.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Guys, I am writing this to help me get over a similar situation. I am in therapy and we agreed writing something like this is a good way to vent my feeling without having to relive them. Blah. 
> 
> This may be very triggering. None of the boys hurt Louis...

“Lou?” Harry groans, the sound of the key in the lock, pulling Harry out of his sleep. Harry groans once he checks the clock, 5am and the both of them are up for class at 7 and Louis has just decided to roll in from whoever's party he had been attending.

“Harry...” Louis switches on the light, Harry groans his eyes burning. “You look like shit.” Harry says eventually once his eyes adjust to the light. Louis's clothes a slightly ripped, covered in dirt and his polo is covered in vomit. “Did you fall into the bushes again?” Louis stares, his eyes not quite meeting Harry's. “Ha-” Louis goes to say once again but is cut off. “Shit...” Harry just watches as Louis disappears into the bathroom. The sound of vomiting fills the room and Harry has to use everything he's got to stop retching himself.

“Do you need any help?” Harry calls out, why does Louis always get himself into such states and Harry always has to be the one to pick up the pieces. Harry opens the bathroom door and almost wants to throttle the older man when he sees the mess on the bathroom floor. “Louis!” Harry snaps. “How the fuck do you manage to be sick next to the toilet bowl.” Louis doesn't say anything, just looks at Harry with sad eyes and sinks down onto his hands and knees.

“What are you doing?” Harry looks at Louis with disbelief. “I wish you wouldn't get yourself into such states, learn to handle your alcohol or stop drinking Louis, i'm sick of doing this every day.” Louis sobs, a small tear trickles down his cheeks. “M, not drunk.” Harry turns to towards Louis and is about to snap at him once again, when something catches his eye, A small dark patch on the back of Louis white jeans.

“Please tell me you sat in the mud again and you haven't shit yourself.” Harry sighs and sinks down on the floor next to Louis, wrapping his arm around Louis shoulder. Louis just lowers his head and rests it on Harry's shoulder. Harry strokes the back of Louis head for a while, letting the older one sob into his shoulder. “Do you want to talk about what's happened?” Louis shakes his head. “Come on love.” Harry prompts pulling Louis on to his own two feet. “You're covered in vomit and mud, let's get you sorted out, get these clothes off and we'll talk in bed.”

Louis doesn't say anything, just stares. Harry figures Louis is too drunk to take care of himself right now and decides just to get Louis clothes off and get him to bed where he can sleep the drink off. Harry grips the hem of Louis shirt and pulls it up over his head and drops it onto the floor, somehow Harry's action springs Louis into the action. “Don't fucking touch me, you have no right.” Louis snaps and covers his body with his small arms, trying to cover the bruises dotting over Louis ribs and hips. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to catch them, have you been in a fight again?.” “Harry...” Louis cries out and falls forward onto Harry's shoulders and this time throws himself into full blown fits of tears. “Aww Lou, just tell me what happened.” Louis hiccups and vomits over Harry's shoulder. Harry bites his lip and ignores the vomit, Louis is more important right now.

“Come on, lets talk in the bedroom.” Harry gently coaxes Louis off him and quickly ripping his vomit stained shirt onto floor. Harry takes Louis by the hand and sits him down on the edge of Louis bed. “Louis, do you want to tell me what's happened?” Louis shakes his head and looks down at his muddy white jeans. “Did you lose a fight? Do you need to go to the hospital?” Louis shakes his head once more. “Do I need to kick Liam's ass again?”

“Harry?” Louis looks into Harry's eyes, lost blue eyes staring into shiny green ones. “I can't do this any more.” Harry strokes the back of Louis head with his thumb. “Do you what Louis?” Louis bites his lip contemplating whether he should tell Harry or not. “I can't live, knowing i'm such a dirty whore, I deserved everything he did to me.” Harry gasps.“Louis what are you talking about? Please, you're scaring me.”

Louis looks up with cold eyes, so cold it almost makes Harry want to shiver. “I was walking home from Niall's party, when he-” Louis cuts off, letting out a little sob but quickly composes himself. “He, he.. he, pushed me into the bushes and forced me to-” Louis cries this time, full blown tears dripping down his pale cheeks. “To have sex with him.”

 


	2. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are triggered please don't read this chapter. Poor Louis!
> 
> PS I added Zayn, I miss Ziam and I feel bad because Niall is barely in the story, sorry. :( Tomlinshaw is only mentioned and Nick isn't the rapist.

“How do I look?” Louis asks Harry as he walks out of the bathroom, hair styled into a quiff, tight white jeans and a blue shirt, reeking of Harry's one million spray. Harry sighs, Louis looks so fucking good. “You're not going out again? We have class tomorrow.” Harry looks up, hair falling into his face, sitting on his bed surrounded with books.

“I know.” Louis gives a little shrug. “But Niall invited, why don't you come with? You like Ni.” Louis gives a hopeful smile. “No thanks.” Harry says flat out. “We always ended having sex and I love you too much.” Louis pouts pretending not to be hurt. “No we don't, we can never decide on who's going to top.” Harry laughs a little at that. “Yeah that's why you ended up blowing me.” “Did I” Harry nods. “Why can't you just stay here?” Harry rolls his eyes as Louis whines. “Because course work is stressful and I want to get hammered.” Harry looks over at Louis

laptop on the bed, where Louis written half a paragraph of his course work. “Fine, just look after yourself, you look hot.” Louis tries to hide his smile. “Are you sure?” Harry nods. “Everyone will want a piece of you, come back in one piece you little shit.

Louis kisses Harry on the top of his curls. “Don't wait up.” “I won't” Louis half hears as he closes the door behind him. “Hey Louis, looking good.” Louis looks up. “Oh Hi zayn, you off to Niall's party?” Zayn nods and the both of them walk off campus. Lucky Niall lives in a house near by and not in shitty student accommodation like Louis and Zayn.

Zayn rings the doorbell, Louis stands behind him suddenly feeling a little bit nervous which isn't like him at all but he soon pulls himself together when Niall opens the door, pulling the two of them into a giant hug. “meee twooo faves.” Niall slurs. “Oi, what about me-” Liam starts but cuts off when he sees Zayn, blushing a little. “Hi liam, want to get a drink?” Liam nods, the pair walking off together leaving Louis and Niall. “Come in. it's getting wild already.” Louis steps inside and instantly sees a girl from his class sliding down the banister with no knickers. “You've got that right Niall.”

Louis grabs a bottle of beer from the kitchen and crashes on Niall's sofa, he notices a few other guys and girls from his classes but no one says anything to him. “Lllllllllouis.” He suddenly hears as Zayn bounces on top of him, Louis grunts inside. “You haven't taken anything have you?” Zayn laughs. “nope, but Liam kissed me.” Louis nods not all surprised, Zayn is the only person on the planet wh hasn't noticed Liam hitting on him. “Happy for you mate.” “Yeah” Zayn smiles shyly. “Liam has a mate he wants you to meet?” Louis nods, it's about time he stopped being a cheap fuck and finds someone to settle down with. “I'd like that, where is Liam and this guy then?” “Be here in a sec, they've gone for a smoke.”

“Liammmmm.” Zayn pats the seat next to him, Louis looks up and his heart sinks the lad with Liam is Tyler some dick head from his class who stole Louis' glasses, his ipod and set his books on fire. “Louis, this is Tyler.” Liam introduces them. Tyler laughs. “Hi little queer.” Louis rolls his eyes. “Fuck off you prick.” Louis goes to walk off, but Tyler grabs his arm. “Only kidding mate, don't worry you look fit tonight.” Louis looks up at Zayn who pleads with his eyes for Louis to stay, so he sits down. “Thanks.” “So you two have met already.” Liam asks stroking Zayn's thigh. “Oh yes.” Tyler responds. “Louis is a bit uptight and thinks he's so much better than me though.” Tyler laughs and grabs Louis chin. “Don't you babe?” Louis rolls his eyes. “No.” Liam laughs. “Don't mind his mouth Ty, he's all bark, we love our Louis.” Louis heart melts. “He burnt my books.” He knows he sounds bratty but they cost him a lot of money and he'd had to embarrassingly borrow money from Harry. Liam laughs out loud. “Ty stop tormenting poor Louis, I know it's only because you fancy him.” Tyler nods but Zayn looks a little pissed. “If you'd have burnt my books Liam i'd have fucking punched you in the mouth, why didn't you just say you liked him, instead of burning his things. You sound like a psycho.” You did go a bit far mate.” Liam agrees. Louis shivers as Tylers eyes darken. “You're right Liam, I did. I'm sorry Louis.” “It's ok.” Liam nods but Zayn doesn't seem convinced.

A few beers later and Louis can feel his brain fogging with alcohol. “Come to toilet with me Louis?” Zayn grabs Louis by the arm and they go into the toilet together. “You alright Louis, you're really quiet, you're usually the loudest person at the party. “Yeah, Tyler makes me a little uncomfortable. I rather be chatting up some nice bloke and getting laid.” Louis laughs. “You don't have to stay with me if you don't want to, it's just you know Liam better than I do.” Louis reads the desperation in Zayn's face. “What kind of friend would I be, if I left you.” So the two of them return to the party.

“Fancy a snog?” Tyler pulls Louis forward with his hips, smashing their mouths together, pushing his hand into Louis hair to hold him still. “No thanks.” Louis quickly pulls away. “Shame.” Tyler shrugs his eyes darkening again. Zayn narrows his eyes. “Don't you like girls?” Tyler laughs. “And boys.” He licks his lips at Louis. “Especially ones with great arses.”

Louis watches as Tyler drains beer after beer. Louis himself had stopped, not quiet trusting himself to drink too much with Tyler around. “Come on Louis, why not come back to my place, I have condoms.” “ew no thanks.” Tyler narrows his eyes “Stuck up bitch thinks he's too good for me.” Louis rolls his eyes and presses closer to Zayn. “Come on Louis a kiss won't hurt.” Tyler pleads, this time Liam steps in. “He said no Tyler, you've had too much, just go home.” Tyler stands up, smashing a bottle next to Louis feet. “Just you wait.” He spits and storms off. Louis shivers. “He won't do anything will he?” Zayn asks Liam. “Nah, just doesn't like being rejected. He'll go home have a wank and be fine tomorrow.”

“Are you ready to go Louis?” Zayn asks after what feels like an eternity has passed. “Yeah.” Louis, Liam and Zayn step out the house together. They would have said goodbye to Niall but the Blonde has fallen asleep in his bath tub. “Hey Li.” Nick Grimshaw approaches Liam, nodding at Zayn and Louis. Louis blushes not looking Nick in the eye, the two of them are terrible more than once they have ended up fucking. “I'm going to Lucas' place.” He nods in some blondes direction. “So you have the room to yourself.” Nick winks at Liam and walks off.

“So as my room mate is getting his dick wet, want to come back to mine Zayn?” Zayn bites his lip and looks at Louis who is rubbing the goose bumps on his skin, it's November why not bring a coat. Louis catches his eye and smiles. “Get yourself off Ze, i'll be fine.” Liam squeezes Zayn's hand. “We can walk him back first if you like babe?” Zayn nods but Louis shakes his head. “Nope, I ain't third wheeling, you two go.” Louis starts walking off in the opposite direction but not before turning over his shoulder. “Don't do anything I wouldn't do.” Louis hears zayn. “Text when you get in” as the couple disappear around the corner.

Louis shivers there's a bitter chill in the air, he wishes he had brought a coat. The lads from home would have ridiculed him knowing he had thought that. Lads from Doncaster don't go out in coats. It's only a short walk home, he can see the student complex insight.

“Hi Louis.” Louis heart stops he knows the voice as Tyler's, he can't see the other man in sight so he speeds up a little. “Where do you think you're going.” Tyler grabs his arm this time. “What do you think you're doing get off me.” Louis grabs Tyler's arm and tries to rip it off his own. “Ow stop.” Louis cries out as Tyler twists his arm around his back and pushes him face first into the bushes. “What do you want?” Louis protests bitterly, thrashing about on the mud. “You.” Tyler whispers in his ear.

“Stop fucking wriggling or I'll break your arm.” Tyler pulls harder on Louis arm, but he doesn't stop thrashing. “You think you're so good, much too good for me yet you go and get your arse fucked by someone different every night.” A tear slides down Louis cheek, he knows he's a little bit easier, but the guys always treat him right. “Please, let me go. I won't tell anyone.” Tyler smashes Louis head against the floor. “Shut the fuck up.”

Tyler uses his free hand to pull down Louis jeans and his Calvins. “Only sluts wear expensive underwear.” Tyler smacks Louis bum, who thrashes even harder under him, trying to fight his way out of Tyler's grip. “Please Tyler.” Louis sobs desperately his face wet with tears. Tyler smashes his head against the floor one more time, then slams the whole weight of his body on top of Louis, pinning him t the floor. Louis grunts tyler is at least 50lbs heavier than he is.

“No, please no.” Louis is full on crying now as he feels tyler lift his own hips and pushes his jeans down, cock rubbing against Louis hole. “no, no.” Louis cries out as Tyler slams inside of him. Louis claws at the skin in front of him, it hurts so bad, he's never done this without prep and tyler isn't exactly fall the cock makes him feeling like he's splitting in two. “Please. Stop.” Louis tries one last time, but Tyler uses his whole weight and covers him muffling any sound.

Tyler pulls out a slams all the way back inside, smirking evilly as he feels warm wet liquid around his cock. “See didn't even need prep.” Tyler slams brutally into him filling him with rough, quick thrusts. Louis is so tight tyler can't go as quick as he'd like, but the pace is still rough and quick. The muffled sounds from underneath Tyler's body make him thrust even harder as Louis body adjusts to his cock.

Tyler doesn't last much longer, slams a few more times into Louis sobbing body before he comes embarrassingly quick with a loud cry.

Louis screams as Tyler pulls out, his cock covered with a mixture of blood and cum. Tyler keeps Louis pinned to the ground with his head. Louis is completely still now other than the shaking in his back from the tears flowing from his eyes. Tyler smirks looking at the state of Louis hole, his cum stained pink. Tyler pushes his fingers back in, Louis screams once again. Tyler gets his fingers wet with cum, only then does the pull them back out. “Here.” Tyler pulls Louis up by the hair and shoves the fingers into his mouth. “Taste your blood, bitch. Serves you right for thinking you are something.” Tyler lets go of Louis hair and his body drops back onto the grass. “You're nothing but an easy slut.” Tyler picks up Louis phone and throws it into the direction of the road. Louis hears the smash and Tyler is gone.

Louis cries a lot before he pulls himself into a sitting position crying even more feeling the horrible burn in his backside. He pulls himself onto his feet quickly the burn too unbearable to sit on. He can taste the blood and the cum in his mouth and throws up all over his shirt. Why is he so disgusting, if only he had stayed in with Harry.

It hurts to walk home, he's limping and he can feel the blood dripping down the backs of his thighs. He manages to walk into the student complex before vomiting again. He hears someone telling him he should learn to handle his drink and he's sure someone called him a slut but he can't be sure. It takes him an age to climb the stairs to the third floor and drag himself to his room, but finally he's putting his key in his own front door.

“Lou?” He hears the soft sleepy groan of Harry's voice.

 

Safe at last.


	3. ER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry feels horrible guilty for making Louis go to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to extend the story, hence this chapter being posted so soon after the last one. Rape recovery takes more than one chapter and I feel horrible for doing this to Louis. Harry has no reason to feel as guilty as he does but he loves Louis a lot. 
> 
> Remember this story is based on aspects of my own life, just think about that before leaving mean comments.

Louis just sobs into Harry's shoulder. Harry just wants to wrap his arms around Louis and snuggle into him but Louis is flinching at every light touch and Harry doesn't want to scare him away. He shushes and lets Louis cry but Harry is furious, absolutely livid. How could someone do something like this?

Harry's not really sure what to do. Should Harry take him to the hospital, the police? Will Louis even allow him to do that? Harry glances down at Louis, his head is swollen with a massive lump and his nose is bleeding, his arm is swollen as well but does that even require treatment? He knows for certain they need to do a rape kit on Louis before it's too late but at the same time if he forces Louis he might lose his trust and he needs Harry right now.

The clock reads 7:15 Harry hasn't missed a single minute of class he even goes to all of the unnecessary lectures but for once school isn't on Harry's mind but the constant buzz on his mobile photo is pissing him off. Louis flinches every time because of how loud the phone buzz's against the table. Harry is just about ready to throw the damn thing at the wall.

They're only on the floor for a few more minutes when Louis breathing deepens. He's asleep. “Come on love, lets get you to bed.” Harry stands up pulling Louis with him who violently flinches away from him, but allows Harry to steer him into the direction of his bed. Louis climbs in and gives Harry a sleepy smile. “You're going to be late.” Harry smiles back. “Some things are more important.” Harry sits by Louis bedside until he falls asleep again, trying to ignore Louis tossing in bed, a fine sheen of sweat covering his skin. Obviously remembering.

Harry walks over and checks who's been calling his phone, he has thirteen missed calls from Zayn, he calls back instantly. “Harry is Louis with you? He didn't text last night and his phone keeps going to voice mail.” “Didn't you walk back with him?” Harry asks calmly pulling at a loose thread on his pyjama pants. “something happened his not ok.” Harry hears Zayn take a deep breath. “Did Tyler beat him up?” “What?” Harry asks confused. “Tyler was hitting on Louis last night, didn't take rejection well. He threatened him” Harry keeps his cool. “And you walked home with him right?” “no” Zayn breaths out and that's when Harry loses his shit. “So this fucking psycho is on the prowl and you let him walk home alone? What could possibly so important that you let one of your best friends walk home alone?” Zayn sobs. “I was with Liam, please how badly hurt is he?” “So you were too busy getting laid? You sicken me. He's asleep in bed and that's all I''m telling you. Goodbye Zayn.” Fucking dick Harry screams startling Louis awake. “Harry?” He cries out from the bed.

“shh, it's ok i'm here.” Harry walks over. “I didn't mean to scare you, Zayn just wanted to know you are ok?” Louis sucks in a harsh breath. “you told him?” “No baby it's ok.” Louis nods and turns around. “Thanks.” Harry knows Louis has fallen back to sleep when the night terrors start again. Harry walks over to his own bed and picks up his phone, dialling the none emergency police number. He just doesn't know what to do for the best.

“Manchester police, how can I help?” Harry sucks in a deep breath. “Something bad has happened to my friend, I would like some advice on what to do next?” Harry hears the tapping of a keyboard before she speaks again. “Tell me what happened and i'll see what I can do, what's your name.” “Harry, errm well he was raped last night and i'm not really sure what to do.” More typing “Has she been to the hospital yet? The best thing for her to do right now would be to get a rape kit and to be checked over. That way we can get any evidence and check your girlfriend is ok. Is your girlfriend over the age of sixteen Harry?” _Girlfriend, fucking girlfriend. Men get raped too, ignorant fucking bitch._ He doesn't say it out loud but he really wants to. “He's” Harry puts in lots of emphasis. “He's eighteen, I'm not sure he will go hospital he's really scared. He won't even let me touch him.” even more typing. “We can't really help unless your friend is willing to go to the hospital and make a statement himself. Please Harry try and convince him to go. _Thanks for nothing._ “Okay thank you.” Harry hangs up the phone. Useless fucking police. 

Louis whines in his sleep, tears pour down his cheeks and it breaks Harry's heart. He really needs to make sure Louis goes to hospital because what ever dick head did this to him deserves to be punished. “Louis.” Harry whispers softly, he doesn't shake him, Harry doesn't want to scare him. “Come on, we need to get you to the hospital.” Louis pulls the duvet over his head. “Don't want to, not sick.” Harry sighs. “Okay Louis, i'll get your mum to come look at you instead.” Harry feels mean saying it but he knows it will make Louis go to the hospital. “Please don't, she can't know how horrible I am, she'll hate me. I'll go.” Louis sobs clearly scared to death and Harry really wishes he could hug him. 

Harry watches Louis more walking dead than human. He cries as he pulls a jumper over his head and pulls on a pair of jeans. Harry tries not to notice how much pain Louis in and the way he limps when he walks. When Louis goes into the bathroom Harry quickly shoves louis clothes from last night into an Asda bag, knowing they might be helpful with the investigation. 

“Please don't make me go.” Louis cries out when Harry opens the door. “please, please.” Harry wants to cry himself, all this is breaking his heart. “Come on Louis this is important. “No, no, I can't, I can't Harry.” tears pour down Louis cheeks. “Okay love, go get back into bed and i'll call your mum.” The horrible guilt creeps back up on him as Louis steps out the door. 

Louis panics at every sight and sound. Someone beeps a car horn and Louis screams it's loud and piecing but Harry urges him to keep on walking. Louis vomits when all over the floor when he hears a group of students talking a little too loudly. Harry breaths a sigh of relief as soon as he sits in his car and turns on the engine and they make their way to hospital. Harry flinches when he sees Louis in his mirror scratching at his arms so badly it's drawing blood. 

The drive is only a short one thank god. Harry parks up easily which is a surprise for the hospital. Louis gets out of the car and is somewhat calm to Harry's relief. The two of them make their way to ER and it's then when Louis' brain clicks. 

“Nooo.” Louis screams and sinks down onto the floor clutching his chest. “Can't breath.” He pants and curls up into a ball on the floor, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “Someone help please.” Harry calls out. Harry can only watch on feeling horribly guilty once again. 


	4. Overnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry argues with old ladies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole of this chapter is what happened to me save a few details. Harry was actually my sister.

Harry is forced to step to one side when the doctor arrives. “What's the patients name?” The doctor asked as kneels on the floor beside Louis. “Louis Tomlinson.” Harry has to bite his lip when a small number of people gather around Louis. “He needs air, step back.” Harry snaps but nobody is listening to him.

“Louis my name is Dr Martins, it's ok you're just having a panic attack, I want you breathe in and out really slowly, in through your mouth and out through your nose, look i'll do it with you.” Harry watches Louis tearful eyes watch the doctor and starts to breathe a little more regular. “Come on Louis, lets get you a little bit of privacy.” Louis sways as he gets to his feet and vomits all over the doctor. Louis starts to panic again. “i'm so sorry.” great tears fall down his pale cheeks. “It's ok Louis.” The doctor says to Harry's relief. “In through your mouth, out through your nose.” The doctor takes Louis away, Harry follows close behind.

“Youths these days getting themselves into such states with alcohol” Some old lady says and Harry loses his shit. “He's not drunk you interfering old bag.” Harry is usually the most polite person but Louis been through so much already. “Oh dear, manners are free young man.” He almost starts to feel sorry for saying it until she speaks again. “It won't be long until he drinks one two many tots of whisky and he dies, good riddance I say, one last alcoholic wrecking havoc on us law abiding old citizens.” Harry growls. “Oh well won't be too long until you have a heart attack.” Harry says as polity as he can and runs to find Louis.

Harry bumps into Louis doctor as he heads into the department cubicles. “Mr Tomlinson is in room 1, I can't say how long it will be until someone sees him as it's not an emergency case.” Harry whispers a quick thank you and runs into room 1. Louis looks like shit, he's laid on a bed, pale, with a tear streaked face, covered in his own vomit. “Please Harry take me home.” Louis cries. “Please, I'm scared. I don't want to be here.” Harry sits on the visitor chair. “Aww Lou, I know, I know it's for your own good.” Louis tries to step off the bed but ends up falling onto the floor, Harry rushes over to help but Louis pushes him away. “You have no right to touch me.” Louis screams so loudly that a nurse rushes in. “I'm going to need you to step out of the room.” A nurse says to Harry. “How will I find out what's going on?” She gives Harry a questioning look. “What's your name? Go sit in the waiting room and i'll call your name.” “Harry Styles.” He makes his way out into the waiting room, the old lady is still there.

“Oh dear have they arrested your little friend for assaulting the staff then?” Harry buries his head in his hands, he can't do with this stupid woman right now. “I think it's disgusting, he drinks too much then throws up on the people trying to help him an absolute disgrace he wants locking up.” Harry groans, what is this woman's issue. “Why are you here? You seem perfectly find to me, go home and watch The chase or something.” The woman gives Harry a look, if looks could kill Harry would be laying dead on the floor. “I've had this cough for a week now, it could be cancer you evil little whatsit.” Harry rolls his eyes. “You could have you gone to the doctors you know?” The woman is about to say something back. “Margaret Day, the doctor is ready to see you now.” “Good riddance.” Harry calls out as she shuffles away.

A lifetime seems to have passed when they finally call out Harry's name. “Harry Styles?” The same nurse who came in to see Louis calls him over. “Is Louis ok?” She has a worried expression on her face. “I'm afraid Mr Tomlinson is absolutely refusing to do a rape kit.” Harry cuts her off. “If we want to press charges will it make a difference?” The nurse sighs. “It may alter the case yes, if the police have no evidence it's just one word against the other.” She seems genuinely upset. “How is Louis, can I go and see him now?” She nods. “We're going to keep him in over night, he's slightly dehydrated, so we'll put him on some IV fluids over night and we would like to keep an eye him because of his head injury although we're sure he's fine. He's had a couple of stitches.” “So will he be able to come home tomorrow?” “Yes, discharge is on the cards for tomorrow, you need to make sure he makes an appointment with his GP, he's probably going to need a lot of counselling.” Harry thanks the nurse after she gives him directions the Louis room.

“I'm sorry.” Is the first thing Louis says as Harry approaches his bed. “It's ok Lou, how are you feeling?” Louis doesn't even look at Harry, just scratches his arm, drawing more blood, making Harry wince. “Take me home please, please.” Harry sighs. “I wish I could, it's only for one night love. “Harry please.” Louis cries out. “I'm scared I don't want to be in here alone.” “I'm sorry Louis.” Harry takes a step towards Louis. “Fuck off Harry, I don't want to see you.” Louis turns around in bed and cries even harder. “Louis please, i'm sorry.” “Just go home.” Louis snaps. Unfortunately for Harry a nurse heard everything Louis had said and she's nowhere near as nice as the one in ER. “Sir, you are upsetting my patient, i'm sorry but you are going to have to leave.” She snaps, her eyebrows knitted together in fury. “But-” Harry starts but she looks even more angry. “If you don't go. I'll have to call security.” So Harry leaves, he hasn't got much choice in the matter.

Harry cries when he finally gets home, he feels awful. Poor Louis, his poor little Louis. All his things are scattered around the room, Louis mess always pissed off Harry but he'd do anything to have happy messy Louis, making a mess as he sings out of tune to the songs on the radio as he gets ready for a night out.

Harry didn't know when he had fallen asleep, but when he's startled awake he's still wearing his clothes. The knock on the door snaps his mind into action. What could anyone possibly want at three o'clock in the morning?


	5. A matter of life and death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis can't take the mental torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be triggering so please please read with caution.

Harry's heart is pounding as he walks over to the door. Three o'clock house calls never mean anything good. He takes in a massive breath and pulls the door open and finds Louis standing there. Harry winces at the sight of him, he has a white bandage wrapped around his wrist, he looks paler than ever. Louis steps forward and wraps his arms around Harry. “I'm sorry I yelled, please don't hate me.” Harry takes Louis into the room. “It's ok baby, tell me what happened?”

Louis buries his head into Harry's shoulder. “I discharged myself.” Harry really wants to shake him and call him an idiot, but obviously that's not being tactful. “I ripped the stupid cannula out of my hand.” Harry winces. “They said it wasn't a good idea for me to leave in my condition but they let me go if I signed a form.” Harry strokes Louis back, it''s nice to be able to touch him again. “Are you sure it was a good idea to leave, they said-” Harry is cut off when Louis pulls away from him. “You are just like everyone else, you don't care what I want at all.” Louis climbs into bed and pulls the covers over his head. “Louis-” Harry tries again. “Fuck off Harry.”

Harry climbs into his own bed and cries, why can't he just keep his stupid opinions to himself. Louis is scared and obviously isn't thinking very rationally, Harry should hold and comfort him, not tell him he needs to go back into hospital. Harry can't drop he all he an think about is Louis and how he must be feeling. He's not really sure if Louis asleep or not he's still buried under his Doncaster Rover sheets. Harry thinks back to when they had been assigned as room mates and how much Harry used to tease him for having football bedding and Louis would mock Harry for having flowery bedding.

“Louis?” Harry asks as he climbs out of bed, Louis doesn't respond. “I'm going to make some tea, do you want any?” “You make shit tea.” Louis voice is muffled from under his duvet. “yes please.” Harry switches the kettle on and puts a bowl or porridge in the microwave for himself. “Louis you hungry?” Harry eyes Louis food stock, three boxes of coco pops, four pot noodles and a dubious looking tin along with three boxes of Yorkshire tea. “No thank you.” Louis says getting out of bed, he looks like shit. “Come on Lou, you must be starving.” Louis sighs, clearly getting angry. “Just leave it Harry.” So Harry does.

When the kettle boils, Harry pours in a lot of milk and hands the mug over to Louis. Harry himself has a black coffee and a bowl of porridge. Harry watches as Louis burns his mouth on the mug, Louis doesn't even flinch, usually he usually has a go at Harry. “What time is it?” Louis asks not daring to look up as silhouettes of people walk past their room. “Half past seven, I guess they're on the way to class.” Louis nods. “As if people are setting off earlier than you usually do.” Harry shrugs. “I like to be prepared.” Louis giggles. “No, you're just a nerd.” Harry laughs along with him, it's nice to see Louis acting like his old self.

Harry pretends he doesn't see the way Louis jumps when the phone rings, tea spilling over his T-shirt. “Just my mum.” Harry says as he answers the phone. “Hi honey, how's classes been? Not heard from you in the last couple of days.” “Sorry, been busy studying and all that.” “Don't lie to me Harry Edward Styles.” Harry rolls his eyes, why does she have to be so involved in his studying. “you haven't been to class in two days.” “I'm sorry mum, Louis has been really unwell, so I-” She cuts him off “I couldn't care less about Louis, he's not your responsibility Harry, he's two years older than you it's about time he started taking care of himself.” Harry rolls his eyes. “But-” “Harry I don't care, if you don't go to class today, i'm not sending any more income which means you will have to come back and that idiot friend of yours will have no choice then.” Harry cries in frustration as he hangs up. “What's wrong?” Louis looks over at Harry concerned, he knows Louis heard every word from the blood running down his chin from biting his lip. “I can't leave you alone Louis.” Harry sobs. “But if I don't mum will cut my funds.” Louis raises an eyebrow. “Just go Harry, i'll be fine.” Harry doesn't move. “Harry just go, I don't want to lose you.” Harry nods. “Ok, i'll leave my phone with you, if you need anything just call my class ok?” Louis nods and watches as Harry makes a mad dash of getting dressed. “Are you sure Louis, I really don't want to leave.” “Good bye Harry.” So Harry leaves.

Louis stares at the door in a trance. He doesn't want Harry to go, just wants him to walk back into the room and say I couldn't leave you, but at the same time he knows how strict Harry's mum is, she agreed to pay for everything as long as Harry kept up with his classes, home work and kept an excellent attendance. Louis on the other hand had to pay his living arrange in advance and had to work for two years before he could finally afford to come to school, his mum just couldn't afford it with all his sisters to look after.

Louis takes the bandage off his arm from he had ripped his cannula out, he pokes at the wound , getting a sense of satisfaction from the pain, temporarily getting relief from his mental pain. Louis stands up and digs through his cupboard until he finds his razor. He makes a tiny cut on his hand, watching as the blood slowly rises to the surface, mesmerised he does another and another, getting more satisfaction with every deeper cut. He stops when the whole of his forearm is covered in cuts. Louis watches as the whole of his arm turns red, this is going to take some explaining.

A knock at the door brings Louis out of his trance, in a panic, he hides under his bed sheets, waiting for the knocking to stop. “Louis? Harry?” The voice sounds a little like Zayn's but how does he know it's not someone else?” Louis grips his hands over his ears and rocks back and fourth until the knocking is going. When it finally stops, he crawls out of the covers and throws some clothes on.

“I can't do this any more.” Louis says to himself as he leaves the room. He doesn't take the lift, anyone could come and join him, instead he takes the fight flights of stairs to the very top of the apartment building. Louis stands at the very edge of the roof and lifts a foot out into fresh air. “I can't do this any more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise things get better.... 
> 
> (I'm going to try and upload Sunday's and Wednesdays)


	6. Niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall comes to the rescue

“Mate, are you ok? What do you think you are doing?” Louis jumps and nearly loses his balance and falling the seven flights to his death but strong arms hold him tight and pull him back. “Who are you? What's happened to you?” Louis recognises the Irish voice instantly. “Hi Niall.”

“Louis, fuck what do you think you were doing?” Niall snaps and Louis falls to the floor in fits of tears. “I can't do it any more.” Niall sinks to the floor beside him and pulls Louis into his arms. “Don't touch me.” Louis snaps and wraps his arms around his own body. “Ok Louis, i'm sorry. I won't do it again, but please tell me. What happened?” Niall winces as Louis scratches as it his arms. “What have you done to yourself?” Louis looks up at Niall with pleading eyes. “Take me home.”

Niall helps Louis to his feet, he doesn't flinch away this time and the two of them make their way to Louis apartment. “Come on, let's get your arm cleaned up and we'll have a little chat?” Niall goes into Harry's cupboard and takes out some anti bacterial infection spray and a roll of bandages. “Knew Harry wouldn't let me down.” Niall chuckles. “Might sting a bit.” Niall says as he sprays the liquid over Louis arm, cleaning up all the dried blood with a few wipes which he also found in Harry's cupboard, before wrapping Louis arm in a bandage. “Thank you Niall.” Niall sits down beside Louis. “Come on Louis, what happened to you?”

“Someone attacked me.” Louis says in a small voice, he can't quite get the words out to tell Niall he was raped. He feels dirty and disgusting enough as it is without someone else being disgusted in him. Niall nods. “Did they really hurt you?” Louis nods and starts scratching at his free arm. “Couple of blows to the head, it knocked me sick and Harry had to take me to hospital.” Niall puts a hand on Louis back, this time does flinch away. “Sorry, I don't mean to keep scaring you. Do you need to go to hospital now Louis? You did just try to take your own life.” Louis shakes his head. “No, no I wasn't, I just wanted to see what it felt like, I wasn't actually going to jump.” Louis lies, scratching even more at his arm. “Ok.” Niall agrees. “Suppose they wouldn't really help anyway.”

“How can I help you Louis?” Niall looks over at Louis, he seems so much different, so much smaller with dark circles around his eyes. It breaks Niall's heart, Louis is the loudest, most annoying sassiest person Niall has ever met. Louis looks up through his eyelashes. “You can't, no one can.” and Louis starts crying again curled up in a ball. “Oh Louis.” Niall bites his lip and tries not to cry himself. “Anything Louis, come on.” Louis voice is muffled by hand. “Please don't leave me.”

“Do you want a cup of tea Louis?” Louis looks up, he's finally stopped crying but his hands are all red and puffy. “Yes please.” Niall switches on the kettle and looks down in disgust at his choices, Yorkshire tea or some highly expensive brand of coffee that clearly belongs to Harry. He decides on the tea, making two cups handing one over to Louis.

“That's Harry's favourite cup.” Louis smiles a little nodding at the mug in Niall's hand. There is nothing special about the mug, just a smiley cactus with i'm a prick underneath. “I bought him it, when we moved in together. I had no idea who he was but he seemed like a spoilt prick, so I bought him that,” Louis shrugs. “He bought me an actual plant.” Niall bursts out laughing. “How long did it last?” Louis shrugs again. “About a month, Zayn sat on it.” Niall laughs even harder. “How?” Louis laughs a little and it's nice to see him smiling. “It was on a stool, he came over to do home work and didn't look where he was sitting.” Niall is laughing so hard he can barely breath. “You're so lucky to live in student accommodation with all these great people.” Louis sips his tea. “I used to thunk so too, I wish I lived in a house, like you.” Niall shrugs. “Someone vomited in my bath and I had to clean it up the next day.” Louis laughs a little bit. “That was you Niall, and you fell asleep next to it.” “Oh.” Niall shakes his head. “That was probably my evil twin James.” Louis laughs and it's real smile and it's so infections.

“Louis, i'm back.” Louis jumps out of his skin and dives into his bed as the front door opens. Harry raises an eyebrow at Niall. “Hi, what you doing here?” He asks as he walks over to the bed. “I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to startle you, it's me Harry.” Niall just watches as Harry eventually coaxes Louis out. “Jesus, Louis. What happened to your arm?” Louis pulls his arm away. “It was nothing, the cannula bandage was all dirty so Niall fixed me a new one.” Harry doesn't believe him, but he doesn't press the conversation any further.

“So, what are you doing here?” Harry asks again, putting away some grocery's he had picked up on the way home. “I saw Louis on the roof, having a smoke. He seemed a little upset so we came back here together.” Harry nods. “Thank you Niall, i'm making spaghetti for me and Louis if you would like any?” Niall just shakes his head. “Thanks Harry, but I got Liam and Tyler come round tonight.”

Louis shoots up and locks himself in the bathroom. “Niall, sorry but can you please go?” Harry walks Niall over to the door. “I don't want to sound rude, but he's not feeling to well and needs a bit of space.” Niall sighs. “Sorry Harry, I'm not even sure what I did, text me yeah?” Harry nods and closes the door behind him.

“Come on Louis, Niall's gone, It's just me.” Harry can hear Louis sobbing on the other side of the door. “Come on baby, it's ok.” Louis opens the door and runs into Harry's arms. “What did he say that upset you?” Louis sobs into Harry's chest. “He's having another party, how could he?” Louis looks up at Harry. “Because he doesn't know what happened to you, Louis can I ask you something?” Louis looks up in between sniffles. “Yes.”

“Was it Liam?” Louis shakes his head. Harry makes a mental note of the way Louis is shaking and the way Louis flinches at the name. If Liam has hurt him, Harry can not be responsible for his actions. “Ok, was it Tyler?”


	7. Frozen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffier chapter 
> 
> PS sorry for the delay I went to see the new fantastic beasts movie and forgot to post before leaving the house.

“Louis, was it Tyler?” Harry repeats when Louis just shudders instead of responding. “Who's Tyler?” Louis lies, making sure Harry isn't looking when he pushes his fingers into the cuts on his arms. Harry sighs. “He stole your phone and burnt your books.” Louis presses down harder, he can feel the blood seeping through his bandages. “Oh yeah, no it wasn't home.” Louis keeps a firm grip on his arm, concentrating on the pain in his arm instead of crying. “Right.” Harry shrugs, not sounding like he believes a word Louis says.

“I'm making spaghetti for us Louis, you haven't eaten in days.” Harry walks over to the stove and ignores Louis. Louis quietly sobs, he's ruined things with Harry, the only person he trusts. It's only when Louis cries properly Harry turns around. “Louis, what's upset you now? I know you're not ok.” Louis throws his arms around Harry's neck. “I'm so sorry, please don't hate me.” Harry rubs Louis back and and holds him while he cries. “I don't hate you, I love you. Why are you sorry?” Harry pulls Louis even closer as he feels the tears soaking into his shirt. “I don't mean to be angry with you, please I don't want you to hate me.” “I could never hate you Lou, i'm just mad that someone can do this to you.”

Louis pulls away from Harry and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “Maybe he's right Harry, maybe I did deserve it.” Harry's not sure how Louis going to react, so instead of pulling Louis into another hug, he sits down beside him, it's nice to see Louis opening up. “You did nothing wrong Louis, nothing at all.” Louis looks down at his body and shudders in disgust. “I kind of did though, I go to party's nearly every single week, had sex with so many people, I don't even know the names of half of them. So why did it give me a right to turn him down Harry?” It really hurts hearing Louis talking so badly of himself. “Just because you have a lot of sex doesn't mean someone should force themselves on you.” Louis nods. “He said it was my fault.”

Harry watches as Louis climbs into bed. “He's so fucking wrong Louis, if I ever got my hands on that bastard i'd actually kill him.” Louis giggles. “Oh Harry, you are the sweetest person alive, you couldn't hurt anyone.” Harry takes in a deep breath. “Nobody hurts my Louis and gets away with it.” Harry speaks as he walks back to the oven.

Louis lays on his back and stares at the celling. He really does want to tell Harry it was Tyler, he really wants to go to the police and he really wishes he had the rape kit, but the embarrassment is just too much, he's heard too many people tell him men don't get raped, one of his sister's had even said it after an episode of Hollyoaks. If he told, they'd all just hate him anyway and he already feels bad enough as it is.

The strong smell of tomato breaks Louis from his thoughts, the smell is making him feel really queasy, Harry's tomato pasta is usually Louis favourite and he hasn't got the heart to tell Harry he can't eat any. “Louis dinners ready.” So Louis pads over to the make shift table, they couldn't afford a table when they moved in and usually just sat on the pillows on the floor with a plate matt. “Looks good.” Louis says as he takes his plate and sits down.

“So you're smoking again?” Harry asks while curling a string of spaghetti around his fork, Louis usually just sucks the pasta in his mouth. Louis remembers what Niall told Harry. “Yeah.” Louis shrugs, it's not that he hasn't though about his cigs, it's just he knows Tyler hangs around the smoking area. “I understand Louis, I know it helps some people with stress.” Louis sucks in a piece of pasta and it takes everything he has not to vomit on his plate. “Yeah, it really helps.” Louis lies.

“Excuse me Harry, I really need the bathroom.” Louis bolts into the bathroom, not being able to hold his food down any longer. He throws up into the toilet, he's not sure how someone hasn't eaten can throw up so much. Louis sighs when he hears the door open, why didn't he lock it?

“It's ok baby.” Harry rubs Louis back while he dry heaves, he seems to have gotten everything up for now. “I'm so sorry Louis, it's my fault. Spaghetti is heavy on the stomach, I just thought with it being your favourite.” Louis heart is breaking, Harry is so sweet and Louis has been so horrible. “It's not your fault, it means the world to me. My brain keeps thinking and it makes my tummy churn.”

“Come on love, lets get you into bed, you're shaking.” Harry helps Louis on to his feet and walks him towards the bedroom. “I'll let you borrow some of my pyjamas.” Louis takes them and starts to undress he really appreciates that Harry turns around. Harry laughs a little. “You look funny wearing homer Simpson pyjamas.” Louis laughs and climbs into bed. “To be honest Harry, I'm just glad you didn't give me that awful onesie.”

“Get in bed with me please?” Louis asks as Harry is about to walk away. Harry doesn't hesitate for even a second and slips under the covers next to Louis. “Remember when we first moved in and didn't know how to work the heating so we used to snuggle in bed like this to keep warm.” Harry laughs “and the only DVD we had to watch was Frozen” Louis rests his head on Harry's shoulder. “Put Frozen on now Harry.”

Harry reaches over and grabs the remote from the night stand and presses play. They still never bought any new DVDs but they never needed to after Harry bought netflix's. Harry holds Louis tightly in his arms, neither of them get to watch much of the movie as they fall asleep wrapped up in each others arms.


	8. Back to school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis needs to go back to class

Harry wakes up with the a start, just in time for him to see Louis push him out of bed. Louis is still asleep and is thrashing about wildly. Louis body is tied up in the covers and he seems to be fighting against them, while tears pour down his cheeks. “Louis, come on love, it's just a dream.” Harry nudges him gently and Louis jumps awake, clearly scared to death. “I'm sorry baby.” Harry sighs.

“He came back to get me Harry.” Louis panics, more tears roll down his cheeks. “He got into our room and got into bed with me.” Harry steps from one foot to the other, debating whether or not to get back in bed with Louis, he's clearly very frightened and Louis is hot and cold with Harry touching him. “Please don't let him come back Harry.” Louis sinks down into the duvet and pulling it just over his nose.

Harry walks over to the front door and twists the door handle. “See Louis, it's locked and if he does try and get into here i'll be here to kill him, ok?” Louis nods. “Harry can I use your phone to talk to my mum please?” Harry presses his iphone into Louis palm. “I'm going to get ready for class, i'll give you a bit of space.” Louis smiles gratefully and Harry goes into the bathroom.

The phone only rings once when Louis mum picks up. “Harry? Is Louis ok, i'm worried sick, his phone keeps going straight to voice Mail and-” Louis cuts her off. “Mum it's me, Louis.” He hears a relived sigh. “Louis baby, is everything ok, i've been going out of my mind with worry.” Louis heart thumps with guilt. “Sorry mum, I broke my phone.” He can sense the tension starting to build. “Why haven't you been in class for nearly a week Louis and the bar said you haven't been into work either.” Louis doesn't have job but he usually picks up a few shifts at the local bar for extra cash. “I've had a really terrible stomach bug.” Louis lies. “You're not a child any more, if you want to go anywhere in life, you can't make stupid excuses, if you get thrown out of college for being lazy don't bother coming back home, you're too smart to ruin your life Louis.” “Sorry mum, I love you.” Jay sighs. “I'm sorry love, I just don't want you throwing your life away, I love you too. Make sure you go to class today.” Is the last thing she says before hanging up.

“Is everything ok?” Harry asks walking out of the bathroom after his morning shower. It always used to sicken Louis how much of a morning person Harry is. “Oh dear.” Harry says seeing the tears in Louis eyes, he sits on the bed next to him, but doesn't touch him. “She's mad because i've had a week off school.” Louis digs his fingers back into the bandage, searching for the jolt of pain. “If I get kicked out, i'm not welcome back home, if I have any more time off, i'll lose my place.” Harry wants to cry for Louis. “but it's Friday, we don't have any classes together, I won't be able to watch over you.” A tear rolls down Harry's cheek but he quickly wipes it away before Louis can see. “I know, I have reading so i'll be with Zayn, i'm so scared Harry, I want to be with you.”

So Louis gets ready to go back to class, more zombie like than human. Louis is someone who takes great pride in his appearance but not today. He doesn't even bother to do his hair or brush his teeth. Just throws on an oversized yellow jumper and some black sweat pants. At least he's able to walk to class with Harry.

“You don't feel sick do you love?” Harry asks as Louis steps into the fresh air, his eyes burning from the early morning sunshine. Louis shakes his head, for once he doesn't. Louis is very jumpy, every sound makes him want to jump out of his skin, but for once thanks to Harry's weird fear of being late, Louis arrives at his class without seeing a single human. “Please look after yourself, I'll walk you home tonight ok?” Harry kisses Louis on the top of his head and walks to his own class.

Louis walks into the classroom, the only other person there is Marcel, basically Harry's nerdy twin. It's the first time Louis has ever been in the class before his teacher. “Hi.” Marcel says when Louis takes the seat behind him. “You been sick or something?” Louis nods, Marcel sees he's not really in the mood to talk and leaves him alone.

As the minutes pass by more and more people start to enter the classroom, most are surprised to see Louis and ask where he's been. “Louis? Holy shit.” Louis head snaps up and he's never been as happy to see Zayn in his life. “i've been so worried, where the fuck have you been, mate? Harry told me someone had beaten the shit out of you, was it Tyler?” Louis winces at the name. “No one beat me?” Louis tries to look as confused as possible. “Think I ate something bad though, been sick as a dog all week.” Zayn nods, convinced by Louis lies. “You sure you're ok to be back? You still look a little pale.”

“You look like shit Louis.” Louis heart pounds, he digs his finger tips into his cuts and slowly looks up. It's not Tyler, thank god. It's just some other jerk Louis has fucked one too many times. “I saw you at the hospital with Styles, did he choke you too hard on his cock, eh?”

Louis shoots up and wraps his arms around his small frame. “Just leave me alone.” tears start to pour down his cheeks. “Stop staring, why is everyone staring.” Louis is screaming when the professor walks in. “Louis, step outside for a moment please.” Louis runs out of the room.

“What happened in there.” The professor asks when they're alone. “I've known you to be loud and boisterous but you were screaming the room down. Has something happened?” Louis shakes his head, covering his eyes with his hands. “I've been sick for the past week and my head is pounding, I think I started to hallucinate or something but I can't take any more time off.” The professor takes one look at Louis and sighs. “As you attended class today, i'll mark you as arrived but please Louis you look like you haven't eaten in weeks, drink a lot of fluids and try a bit of toast and i'll see you on Monday, ok?” A huge wave of relief washes over Louis. “Thank you very much. Louis babbles as he rushes off before she changes her mind.

Louis is half way down the hall way when his legs give way on him and his eyes go black as his body crashes down onto the floor.


	9. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis wakes up in hospital

“Louis love, can you hear me?” Louis groans hearing what sounds like Harry's voice, a bright light shining in his face, pulls Louis out of his sleep. When Louis opens his eyes, he's surprised to see he's in hospital. The bandage on his arm has changed from dingy and bloody to clean white and he has a cannula in the opposite arm.

“What happened?” Louis's voice is slightly scratchy. Harry covers Louis hand with his own. “You fainted love-” Harry starts but a nurse comes bustling in cutting him off. “Yes Mr Tomlinson, it looks like you haven't been taking care of yourself at all. You are severely dehydrated and the wounds on your arms were infected but you're on the mend now and we'll have you home in a day or two.” She chatters on while pushing a plate of food and a glass of water in front of Louis. “I want you to eat it all.” She says as she walks out of the room.

“Disgusting.” Louis turns his nose up at the plate in front of his face. Harry shudders it's curry with carrots and broccoli, a disgusting concoction Harry has to agree. “If I put the vegetables in the bin will you at least try to eat some of the curry?” Louis picks up the fork, his hands are shaking. “ok, i'll try.” So Harry takes the plate and scrapes it into the bin. “There you go.”

“I feel sick.” Louis tells Harry, as he digs his fork into the curry. “Please just try.” Harry is getting desperate, it's been so long since he saw Louis eat anything. Harry sighs with relief when Louis puts the food into his mouth. “How is it?” Louis nose wrinkles. “Pretty terrible.” but Louis manges to eat half the plate anyway to Harry's relief.

“Now i've eaten that rubbish can I please go home?” Louis begs and it breaks Harry's heart. “Sorry love, they want to keep you on those fluids over night then re asses you in the morning.” Harry pours Louis another glass of water. “But the more you drink, the quicker you'll get to go home.” Louis takes the glass and starts to sip the water. “They can't make me stay, i'm not a prisoner.” Harry doesn't say anything, just strokes the back of Louis hand.

“I hate hospitals.” Louis says eventually. “Why love, they only want to make you feel better, you need lots of rest. “No they don't.” Louis voice is very sulky and Harry finds it adorable. “They just tell people things that get me into trouble.” “What do you mean?” Harry's confused now. “When I was kid some bullies burnt me with cigs and the nurse told my mum and she went to the school and I got bullied even more.” Louis is crying now. “Mum can't know what's happened, she'll hate me.” Harry sighs, “She won't hate you, but we won't tell her I promise. Louis gives Harry's hand a little squeeze, clearly relived.

“Sorry honey, i'm going to have to ask you to leave.” A friendly nurse asks Harry, clearly just starting her night shift. “It's already an hour after visiting ended.” Harry nods and the sad look in Louis eyes breaks his heart. He presses a kiss on top of Louis head before giving his hand one last squeeze and walks out. “See you tomorrow Lou.” .

Louis really does want to cry when Harry leaves, a few stray tears he can't hold back roll down his cheeks. He doesn't want to be stuck in hospital with a stupid drip attached to him, he wants to be at home with Harry, snuggled up under his Donny Rovers duvet with Harry snoring his head off in the bed beside him. Harry had always been a terrible snorer but Louis always found it more comforting than annoying and he would certainly do anything to hear it now.

The hours tick by slowly and Louis doesn't get an wink of sleep, as soon as he closes his eyes the images of Tyler flicker in front of his vision. The cannula in Louis arm is driving him crazy, it pulls every time he turns over and sends a wave of pain up his arm which is more satiating than it should be.

“Good morning Louis.” A doctor asks when finally eight o'clock rolls around. “Morning.” Louis mumbles back, in no mood at all for a conversation. “You've had the full bag of fluids, I am going to discharge you today as long as you eat your breakfast.” Louis whines in protest when a plate of buttered toast is forced in front of him.

Louis picks up a piece of toast which is cut into triangles, the bread is soggy from the amount of butter oozing on it, Louis hasn't even taken a bite yet and he wants to throw up. The sickening smell reaches his nostrils and it's only then he realises he just can't eat it without throwing up. “Eat up Louis.” The doctor says as he leaves the room and that's when Louis uses the napkin to squeeze the toast into a soggy ball and discarding it under the pillow with a satisfied smirk.

Hours seem to have passed since Louis discarded his breakfast and still nobody has come in to discharge him yet and Louis is just about ready to rip the cannula out of his arm again, just like he did with the last one when the nurse finally walks into the room. “Looks like you're good to go Louis.” Louis gives a hiss of satisfaction when she pulls the needle out of his arm and bandages up his hand.

Louis steps out of bed onto the shaky feet, someone must have dressed him a hospital gown and the thought of someone undressing him makes him feel queasy again. He finds a bag that Harry must have brought in and quickly dresses into the sweat pants and T-shirt.

“Finally, i'm fucking free.” Louis wants to shout out to the world as soon as the cold November air hits his face. It's going to be a long walk home because Harry hadn't put Louis wallet into the bag and he doesn't have a penny on him or a phone. So Louis starts to walk.

Louis has only just left the hospital car park when a wave of fear starts to take over him. A group of teenagers shout something at him from the bus stop, he has no idea what they said but it clearly couldn't have been anything nice. A few tears escape, leaving his eyes blurry, so he happens to bump into someone. “Sorry sweetheart.” The man is big and buff and he grips tightly onto Louis shoulders. Louis eyes are too blurry to see who it is, it could even be Tyler. “Don't fucking touch me.” Louis snaps and yanks his body away and starts to run.

He hears the words uptight bitch when he runs down the street. Louis is terribly unfit and can't run up the stairs without running out of breath but somehow he manges to run without a single protest from his body. The finally after nearly getting run over twice he's outside of his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The toast situation is exactly what I did haha :-)


	10. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home is the safest place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** more self harm *** keep that in mind if you're triggered. much love <3

Louis hammers on the front door to his room, he doesn't have his key either. Louis practically falls through the door when Harry opens it, he runs inside his whole body shaking with relief. Thank god today is Saturday.

“Holy fuck Lou. What happened?” Harry gasps in panic as he watches Louis dart into his bed and hide his face under the covers. “He's come to get me Harry.” Harry pokes his head around the door. “Who Louis? There is nobody out there now?” Harry takes one last glance at the corridor then closes the door behind him. “Lou? You can come out now.” Harry finds it really adorable that Louis is hiding under the covers.

Louis pokes his head out of the duvet, but doesn't get out of bed. “What happened?” Harry asks again sitting at the edge of Louis bed. Louis shrugs. “He bumped into me and tried to grab me.” Louis looks down at his lap and starts to pick his finger nail because it all sounds so stupid now, of course it wasn't Tyler. “Was it the same guy who hurt you? I still want to kill that mother fucker.” Harry tries to keep his cool but he can feel the rage bubbling inside of him. Louis shakes his head. “I was probably just overreacting.”

“I take you won't be playing football today?” Harry asks eventually. He always plays football on Saturday, he plays for the local college team. Louis had been so happy last week, he had scored the winning goal and decided to celebrate at Niall's party. Louis can't believe his life has only been ruined for a week, it feels like a life time has passed by. “Want me to go with you? I could be your sexy cheerleader of something?” Harry asks when Louis doesn't respond. “As much as i'd love to see you in a cheerleading costume, he's going to be there.” Louis shivers thinking about the amount of times Tyler had seen him in his football shorts and Louis had never even noticed.

Harry doesn't respond this time, so the guy is on Louis football team. There are twenty six players on the team, twenty five not including Louis, Harry has some serious research to do, he's going to find and kill the guy if it's the last thing he does. “Don't you usually g to your violin lesson on a Saturday, while i'm at football?” It's Louis cutting Harry out of his thoughts this time. Harry nods. “Yeah, I cancelled thought i'd be picking you up from the hospital but you got here first.” Louis laughs. “Violins are for nerds.” Harry scoffs. “and footballers are stupid.” Harry pokes his tongue out making the other man giggle.

A knock at the door makes the both of them jump. Louis sinks back down under the covers when Harry jumps up and pulls open the door. “what's up boy?” Niall piratically shouts and pushes Harry out of the way, stepping inside and walking over to Louis bed. “Is the whole of Ireland this rude or is it just you?” Harry mocks and closes the door behind him. “Just me.” Niall smirks.

“Oi, Tommo. Get that sexy arse out of bed, it's time for football.” Louis grunts, still under the covers. Harry makes a mental note, twenty four footballers he needs to investigate. “Leave him be.” Harry shoos Niall away from Louis bed. “He's not coming, he spent the night in hospital.” Niall pats Louis through the duvet. “Alright, sorry mate i'll tell the coach you're not well.

“Goodbye Niall.” Louis pokes his head out of the covers when Niall walks away. “I better see you both at my party tonight bitches.” Niall calls out, but Harry quickly shoves him out of the door. “Bye Niall.” Harry mentally slaps him, Louis seems ok then someone mentions party and he gets all upset again. Harry just wants to wrap Louis up in blankets and protect him from the rest of the world.

Harry can feel the tension in the room and he doesn't know what to do or say, he doesn't want to make Louis feel even worse. “Can you believe it's been a week?” Louis says eventually has fingers pushing down into the bandage, but it doesn't hurt any more and Louis starts to feel irritated. “Feels like a lot longer.” Harry sighs and walks back over to Louis. “My poor Lou.”

“I need to get a shower, I stink of hospitals and it's driving me crazy.” Louis jumps out of bed and runs into the bathroom. “Ok babe, its freezing in here so i'll put the heater on for you.” Louis hears Harry call from the bathroom and honestly that boy melts his heart, nobody in the world is sweeter than Harry.

Louis leans over the bath and switches the shower on, letting the water warm up before he gets in. Louis bites the inside of his cheek when he looks at himself in full length mirror. He looks nearly as bad as he feels with his dark eye bags and his pale face. He takes a deep breath when he pulls off his shirt. The bruises are still scattered up and down his rib cage as well as his hip bones although fading now. A small tear trickles down Louis cheeks.

Next he eases off his sweat pants and boxers, letting the drop to the floor together before stepping out of them. Louis turns around and looks over his shoulder to look at his bum, he had always been proud of his bum. He often did squats to keep it big, he had loved every compliment and cheeky slap he would get but now looking at it only makes Louis feel slutty and dirty.

Louis unravels the bandages on his arms. His left hand just as a little scab from the cannula but his right arm is littered with cuts from the blade. Louis presses down into them but they don't hurt any more and are clearly starting to heal.

Louis steps into the shower and sighs with relief as the warm spray takes over his body. Louis picks up his razor and presses it against his left arm and makes a small cut, Louis sighs with relief watches the bubbles of blood rise to the surface along with the satisfying sting that comes along with it. Louis makes cut after cut up all up his left arm. The pain makes him feel free, even if it is only only a few seconds.

Louis is only cut out of his daze when he glances at the red blood mixing with the water as it runs down the plug hole, he takes one look at his arm which is dripping with blood. Shit how is he going to explain this to Harry?


	11. Pizza night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry helps Louis clean up and they spend the night in together.

Louis steps out of the shower, he doesn't even bother to dry himself, just wraps the towel around his shivering body and sits down on the toilet lid. “Harry, help me. I've done something wrong.” Harry rushes in without a seconds hesitation armed with a pair of Harry's pyjamas and Louis oversized yellow jumper. 

Harry doesn't even need to ask Louis what happened, the blood dripping from Louis arm is going everywhere. Harry nips back out, just to collect the first aid kit. “My poor Louis.” Harry speaks softly and Louis lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, he was so sure Harry was going to shout at him. Harry douses Louis with disinfectant before cleaning up Louis arm with a few anti septic wipes, then bandages up Louis arm with ease. “I'm so glad you took that first aid course.” Louis laughs but Harry doesn't say anything.

“Really breaks my heart when you hurt yourself.” Harry says eventually. He passes Louis the pyjamas and jumper but turns his back to Louis while he dries and changes. “I can't even begin to understand Lou, but how can you do that to yourself?” Louis bites his lip. How is he supposed to tell Harry that mutilating his body makes him feel good? “I'm sorry Harry.” Harry sighs, he really would like to hug him right now. “Just really hurts that someone made you feel so bad you have to do this to yourself.

“I'll turn away while you get dressed.” Louis just puts his clothes on over his wet skin, he's completely drained. “I'm done.” Harry turns around and sighs again Louis looks awful, his skin is pale, dark circles under his eyes and Harry's pyjamas are hanging more than normal. He really misses the old Louis, the sassy, annoying Louis who would never do his homework and walk around the room naked, letting Harry slap his butt. Harry shakes the thoughts out of his head, if he doesn't love Louis at his worst, he doesn't deserve him at his best.

“Do you want to order domino's and play on your old play station two tonight?” Harry asks while walking Louis out of the bathroom, who smiles now. “I'd really like that but we're not playing Spongebob.” Harry laughs and that was only one time because he wanted to relive his childhood. “ok, but no Fifa, I hate football.” He hates football more than ever right now. “Crash bandicoot?” They both agree.

“What Pizza do you want?” Harry pulls up the domino's app and Louis snuggles closer to Harry. “What are you getting?” Harry shrugs. “Ham and pineapple with extra pineapple.” Louis lightly pokes Harry in the chest. “Pineapple on pizza pisses me off, order me meat lovers with no vegetables what so ever.” Harry laughs, Louis is such a picky eater, one single onion is enough to put him off the whole pizza.

Harry makes the room more cosy, making a nest of pillows and blankets on the floor while Louis sets up the playstation, Harry tries not to stare at the dark bruises on Louis hips but they send a wave of sadness over his body. “I'm going first.” Harry is cut out of his thoughts by Louis diving into the pillows, joy pad in his hands. “Okay, don't get scared of the bolder level this time.” Louis makes a face. “Fuck off, I get scared under pressure.” Harry just laughs even harder.

Louis loads up the level and Harry takes on being the most annoying person in the world. “Don't miss any of those fruits.” Louis just grunts. “Make sure you get all boxes, I want to collect the gem.” Harry stifles his laughter, watching Louis go back and collect the box he missed. “Don't fall into the hole.” Harry laughs even harder this time because Louis actually falls down the hole. “Works every time, you're too easy to wind up.” Harry takes the control from Louis hands and takes his go.

“Why do you have to collect every single apple.” Louis whines watching Harry jump on the TNT box, waiting for it blow up then going back to collect all the remaining fruits. “They're not apples Lou.” Louis rolls his eyes. “Why did I have to get stuck in a room with a perfectionist.” Harry smiles and turns his attention to Louis for a second, but a snail with a spike on it's back turns into a blue angel. “Hahah dickhead.” Louis snatches the controller back.

It's so nice, Harry has really enjoyed this evening it's almost like he's called the old Louis back. When the door knockers, Harry sees just how scared Louis gets, he wraps his arms around his body and sinks down into the pillows, blanket covering his face. Harry pays for the pizza and thanks the delivery man as quick as he can. “Pizza Lou.”

Louis takes his pizza and lays the box down on the floor, his stomach churns just looking at it but he's had such a nice evening with Harry, he doesn't want to ruin it so he picks up a slice, then another and another and soon the whole box is empty. Louis rolls onto his back, hands on his bloated stomach. “I'm so full.” Harry raises an eyebrow nibbling around the crust. “I swear you ate that in record time.” Louis smirks. “That's nothing I once ate three cheese burgers in five minutes.” Harry pushes his box away with three slices left. “How you stay so skinny is baffling.” “I play football.” Louis shudders and Harry can see how much the words hurt him.

“I'm going to bed, goodnight Harry.” Louis can't even look Harry in the eye, just climbs into bed and faces the wall. “Good night Lou.” Harry takes one look at the horribly messy room and decides on cleaning it tomorrow.

Louis squeezes down on his bloated stomach, how could he let himself eat so much pizza. The bits of meat are churning around in his stomach. Louis struggles to keep the food down but thank god, he hears a snore from Harry. Louis jumps out of bed, trips on a chair but only just mange's to reach the toilet in time. Tears roll down Louis cheeks as he throws up the pizza into the toilet.

The chair hitting the floor is what wakes up Harry and he hears Louis vomiting. Harry bites his lip to stop himself crying. He picks up his phone and loads the colleges' football team. The lowlife scum won't get away with ruining Louis life any longer. Harry's going to find and kill the bastard.  


	12. Facebook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is acting a bit strange

Louis wakes up to the smell of bacon filling the room, he slept shit and had to make multiple trips to the toilet to vomit. “Good morning Louis.” Harry raises his coffee mug while taking a bite of the bacon sandwich in his hand. Today is Sunday, Louis usually rolls out of bed somewhere around One pm then spends the rest of the day telling Harry how rough he is. “Good morning Harry.” Louis gets out of bed and switches the kettle on.

“Did you get up in the night?” Harry asks watching Louis pouring way too much milk into his mug. “Yeah, I have a weak bladder.” Louis lies and takes a seat next to Harry. Louis feels especially bad today, the worry of going to classes tomorrow has his stomach in knots. Harry and Louis spend the rest of breakfast time in silence, Louis keeps his fingers pressed into the cuts under his bandages. “Don't do that Louis, they will get infected.” Harry seems off, he dumps his plate and mug into the sink.

“Louis, I need to nip out. If you need me, use my laptop and message me on facebook.” Harry slams the door behind him and Louis feels like the world collapses down on top him, he's pissed off Harry. Louis cries, a lot, Full blown ugly crying, fat tears roll down his cheeks. Harry is the only person Louis has in the whole world.

After what feels like forever Louis decides to log onto facebook using Harry's laptop. He regrets his decision almost instantly when the first picture on his page is a picture of him and Tyler kissing, Niall had captioned it. “Tommo can't keep his hands to himself.” The comments hurt even more, a couple of his friends call him a slut. Louis loses his shit and throws Harry's laptop on the floor and starts crying again.

Louis runs out of his room, no shoes and still in his pyjamas and runs up the corridor and bangs on the door. “Zayn, zayn, please.” Louis sob. Zayn doesn't respond so Louis slides down against the door, a few seconds later the door opens and Louis falls backwards into room. “Shit, it's Louis.” Louis hears someone say, he thinks it's Liam.

Strong arms pull him up onto his feet. “Zayn?” Louis sobs when Zayn wraps his arms around Louis. “Please go home Liam, i'll call you later.” Louis hears Liam leave but Zayn continues to rub Louis back. “What happened?” Louis pulls away and stares down at his bare feet but doesn't say anything. “Louis has something happened? You're still in your pyjamas and you have no shoes on.

“Did you have a bad one night stand or something? I didn't see you at Niall's party? The room spins for a second and before he knows what he's doing, Louis vomits on Zayn's shirt. “for fuck sake Louis, this is Liam's. You didn't take drugs or something did you?” Louis wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “I'm sorry.” Zayn sighs. “Yeah, well you should be.” Zayn looks Louis up and down and can't stay mad at him for too long. “Louis, you look terrible, what happened to you?”

“I'm sorry.” Louis just says again before bolting out of room and running back to the safety of his own. Louis cries again, why does he have to ruin everything? Not only as he lost Harry but now Zayn as well. If Louis wasn't such and easy slut, this would have never happened in the first place.

Louis really only has himself to blame for this, if he didn't go home with someone new every weekend Tyler wouldn't have come on to him in the first place. Louis rips the neat bandage off his arm and claws at the cuts, pulling them open and letting them bleed out. The blood pours down his arms and on to the bed, Louis finds it satisfying to watch.

Louis is really not sure how he'd ever survive without Harry. Since it all happened Harry has been his rock, his shoulder to cry on, the one who picks up the pieces and puts Louis back together and he can do is yell at him. No wonder Harry hates him, he's worth much more than a piece of shit like Louis. Louis just hopes Harry hasn't gone to see the college home advisor, if Harry can't deal with him then nobody else could, Louis couldn't even deal with another room mate that isn't Harry.

Louis jumps when he hears a key in the lock, sighing in relief when it's Harry who walks in, looking worried and pissed off. “Louis, why is my laptop on the-” Harry starts but looking up at Louis cuts him off. “What the hell happened here, come here?” Louis shuffles forward nervously. “Harry, i'm so sorry.” Louis throws his arms around the taller man. “please don't hate me.” Harry holds Louis tightly in his arms, soothing the crying boy. “I could never hate you Lou, shhh. Why would you even think that?” Harry pulls away so he can look Louis in the eye. Louis doesn't respond.

Harry's eyes fall down to the blood dripping down Louis arms. “Are they new cuts?” Harry takes Louis arm into his hand to inspect the damage. “Did something happen to you while I was gone?” Louis shakes his head. Harry sits Louis down on the bed while he fetches the first aid kit and cleans up Louis once again. “I just can't understand why you do this to yourself.” Harry sighs while wrapping the bandage around Louis arm. “Is that why you hate me?” Harry watches as a tear rolls down Louis already tear stained cheeks. “Because I cut myself?”

“It hurts me you cut yourself, because I love you.” Harry pulls Louis back into his arms, forgetting for a moment but luckily Louis doesn't respond badly. “I love you too, you were just acting so weird this morning, I was scared it was something i'd done.” “Of course not.” Harry soothes. “I just had to nip out, it was important.”

“So where did you go?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will explain Harry's point of view


	13. Need to help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry needs Niall's help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I changed the summary, I feel like the old one doesn't make sense anymore with me changing it from 3 chapters. I am not sure how many chapters this fic will have, it says 20 at the moment because that's how many i've written x)
> 
>  
> 
> Hope everyone is still enjoying the story.

“Louis, I need to nip out. If you need me, use my laptop and message me on facebook.” Harry tells Louis, grabbing his coat and letting the front door slam behind him. It's freezing cold, the bitter wind blows in Harry's face, he wishes he had brought more than a coat, maybe his hat and scarf. It's not a long walk to Niall's but the cold makes it seem so much longer but Harry really needs to talk to him.

Harry knocks on the front door of the massive mansion Niall lives in, he has to wait a while but soon a very hungover looking Niall pulls open the front door. “Jesus Harry, what the fuck do you want? It's too early for this shit.” Harry pushes past Niall and steps inside. “It's ten am, pull yourself together.” Niall just groans and slams the door behind Harry.

“What are you doing here?” Niall asks, while Harry wrinkles his nose in disgust at the pure state of Niall's living rooms, there are beer cans, cups and bottles everywhere. A dubious couple of stains on the carpet and a massive pile of vomit. Harry has to breathe in through his nose to stop himself vomiting. “How do your parents not disown you?” Niall laughs and takes a seat next to Harry on the sofa. “That's the fun part, they work back home in Ireland and have another place over there, while I stay and study, looking after the house.” Harry rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you are taking great care of the place.”

“So what are you doing here?” Niall asks again. “Oh.” Harry snaps back into action. “Well you know Louis was attacked right?” Harry waits for Niall to nod before continuing. “Well, I think i've narrowed it down to someone on your football team and I need you to help me find out who.” Niall nods once more. “Okay, do you have any leads?” Harry pulls his phone out of his pocket and reads his notes.

“Liam Payne? He's always been nothing but friendly but Louis always acts strange when I mention his name.” Niall shakes his head. “I don't think so, Liam is dating Zayn and that night Zayn went back to Liam's place.” Harry deletes Liam from his list. “And you know that for sure?” Niall smirks. “I got all the juicy details.”

“Tyler Mason?” Harry studies Niall's face while the Irishman is deep in thought. “He doesn't play football with us often and he didn't play football the night in question with us but Louis and Tyler did have a kiss at the party.” Harry tries to pretend he's not jealous. “So, it could be him or-” Niall shrugs. “Could be, I do know he left a little while before Louis did, so I guess not.” Harry groans and deletes Tyler off his list as well.

“I don't know what to do from here?” Harry puts his head into his hands. “I just want to kill the bastard who broke my best friend.” Niall throws his arm around Harry's shoulder. “It's up to Louis to tell you when he's good and ready.” Harry nods. “I know, it just hurts not being able to help him.” Niall nods. “I know, must have been one hell for a beating then, if you're so mad about it.”

“I should get back to Louis, he gets a bit scared when he's on his own.” Harry jumps up from the sofa and gets out of Niall's house as quick as he can to stop him from asking any more questions. Harry runs down the street until his chest collides with someone else's and Harry ends up on his ass.

“Whoops, sorry Harry.” Harry looks up and sees it's Liam. Liam offers Harry his hand, he just stares for a moment still a little skeptical but soon takes it and allows Liam to pull him onto his feet. “Sorry Liam.” Harry brushes himself off.

“So what happened to Louis last night?” Liam laughs. “He looked a little rough when I bumped into him a little while ago.” Harry narrows his eyes. “What do you mean?” Liam looks a little guilty. “He was just over at Zayn's in a right state, he didn't even have shoes on.” Harry runs his fingers through his hair. “Oh shit, he was fine when I left him, sorry I better go and see he's alright.” Harry starts running again, ignoring Liam who says he's in safe hands with Zayn. Harry is out of breath when he finally sticks his key in the lock.

Harry sighs, a little angry when he sees the state of the room and his laptop on the floor. “Why is my laptop on the floor-” Harry eyes finally find Louis and his eyes are puffy, clearly been doing a lot of crying, it breaks Harry's heart looking at him. “What the hell happened here, come here?” Harry watches as Louis shuffles forward he looks really nervous and uneasy. “Harry, i'm so sorry.” Harry is taken back in shock when Louis throws his arms around him, something bad must have happened.“please don't hate me.” Louis sobs into Harry's shoulder and all he can do is hold Louis a little tighter. “I could never hate you Lou, shhh. Why would you even think that?” Harry pulls out of the hug and looks deep into Louis shiny bright blue eyes.

Harry is mesmerised by Louis for a moment, then something red catches his eye, he follows it and sees the blood dripping down Louis arm. “Are they new cuts?” Harry takes a good look at Louis arm, the cuts aren't new they just need cleaning up and re bandaging. “Did something happen to you while I was gone?” Harry gets the first aid kit from the kitchen and starts wiping away all the blood. “I just can't understand why you do this to yourself.” Harry says eventually when he's finished cleaning Louis arm, Louis means so much to Harry and seeing he can do this to himself breaks his heart.“Is that why you hate me?” Louis squeaks Harry watches as a tear leave Louis eye and his heart breaks just a little bit more. “Because I cut myself?”

“It hurts me you cut yourself, because I love you.” Harry pulls Louis back into his arms, forgetting for a moment but luckily Louis doesn't respond badly. “I love you too, you were just acting so weird this morning, I was scared it was something i'd done.” Harry squeezes Louis shoulder in comfort feeling a little guilty for leaving Louis alone.

“So where did you go?” Louis asks and obviously Harry can't tell him, so instead he distracts Louis. “Oh, I bumped into Liam in the library. He said you were upset, did something happen?” Harry feels Louis stiffen in his arms. “I thought you hated me, so I went to see Zayn and he asked all these questions and I vomited on him.” Louis pulls away, laughing a little. “He hates me now as well.”


	14. Back in class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's the last week of uni before Christmas

Louis heart hammers out of his chest when Harry's alarm goes, pulling him out of his sleep. Today he's back in class which is bad enough but he's in class with Tyler. Louis peeks out from under his duvet and watches Harry climb out of bed and disappear into the bathroom. Louis considers just curling up under the duvet and going back to sleep.

"Oh you're awake, do you want any breakfast?" Harry catches Louis eye when he leaves the bathroom, fully dressed and smelling of toothpaste. Louis shakes his head and sinks down into the duvet. Why does Harry insist on waking up so early just to cook bacon before all this happened Louis used to roll out of bed ten minutes before class, quickly get dressed then run but now his brain works too hard to let him sleep.

"Are you going to class today?" Harry asks over the hissing of the frying pan. Louis sighs. "I don't really have a choice do I?" Louis gets out of bed and sits down on one of the kitchen chairs. "I guess not." Harry presses a mug of milky tea into Louis hand. "At least drink this." Harry sits across from him and eats his sandwich.

"Just going to get dressed." Louis leaves the table and closes the bathroom door behind him. He pulls on his yellow jumper and a pair of skinny jeans before sinking down against the door and letting a few tears escape. Louis had apparently been crying for longer than he'd thought because a knock on the door shakes him from his thoughts. "Louis? You alright in there? It's time to go." So Louis stands up on shaky legs and wipes the tears away with the back of his hand.

"Have you been crying?" Harry asks as soon as Louis leaves the bathroom, nothing escapes Harry's attention. Louis shrugs. "Just a bit nervous." Harry just nods. "I wish you didn't have to go." Harry closes the front door behind him and locks it. "Me too, but it's the last week before we go home for Christmas." The two of them walk in silence, Louis doesn't seem as jumpy as last week but Harry can read the look of pure fear on his face and it breaks his heart because there is nothing he can do to make it better.

Harry delivers Louis to his classroom door, despite walking past his own. "Are you going to be ok?" Harry asks and Louis looks completely defeated. "Harry, i'm scared." Louis cries for the first time in his life in public, Harry just pulls him close and rubs his back soothingly. "I wish there was something I could do to help you." Louis pulls away and looks embarrassed. "I'm sorry Harry, I shouldn't worry you like that. i'll be ok." Louis goes to walk off but Harry catches his arm. "What time do you finish today?" Louis checks his schedule. "1 o'clock." Harry smiles. "I finish at three but I'll walk you home and have lunch with you before going back." Louis smiles back. "Thank you."

Louis takes his seat at the very back of the class and lays as low as possible, not wanting to draw and attention to himself. "Hi Louis, are you feeling better?" Louis jumps out of his skin, but it's only Marcel with a huge smile on his face. "Yes thank you." Marcel nods and takes his own seat at the front of the class. They are the only two in the classroom for at least half an hour, the classroom only starts to fill when nine am rolls around, the official starting time.

"i'm still pissed at you for vomiting on me." Zayn laughs and takes the seat next to Louis. "Sorry." He whispers meekly, Zayn raises an eyebrow. "I'm only joking, lad. What happened to you though, you were in a right state, I was really worried about you." Louis pulls at a loose thread on his jumper. "I don't remember, I think I had only just left the party, must have still been drunk." Louis forces a laugh and Zayn laughs even harder. "Lad, whatever it was you drank, don't drink it again- Zayn continues talking but Louis has no idea what he's saying because Tyler walks into the classroom.

Louis heart starts to pound and his lungs start closing up on him and before he knows it, he's gasping for breath. "Louis, breath. In through your nose out through your mouth." Zayn's voice penetrates through his hazy mind and soon he's following the instructions and his breathing returns to normal. Louis open his eyes and is instantly met with dark brown concerned ones. "Are you ok?" Zayn wraps an arm around Louis shoulder but he smacks it away instantly. "Don't touch me." Zayn looks a little hurt but nods. "Whatever is going on in your mind, it's not real." Louis nods but it is fucking real, it's sat three rows in front of him. Luckily, Tyler doesn't seem to know Louis is there.

"Good morning class and good morning Louis, it's nice to see you getting your lazy self out of bed and joining us this week." The professor barks out as he walks through the classroom door. The whole class turns around to look at him, Louis skin burns with embarrassment. Tyler turns around and winks it him and Louis has to force down the bile rising in his throat.

Zayn waits until the professor gets on with the presentation before turning to Louis. "So, did you have sex with him?" "Who?" Louis whispers. "Tyler, I just saw him wink at you." A flash of anger rises through Louis body. "why would you say that? How easy do you think I am?" Louis shouts. "Louis Tomlinson, I suggest you calm yourself down. It's bad enough you did not attend last week." The professor shouts back. Tyler laughs "Everyone knows how easy you are Louis, shut the fuck up." Louis knees weaken and he falls back onto his chair. "Thank you Tyler but nobody asked you, now let's continue."

"I'm sorry Louis, I didn't mean to upset you." Zayn sighs "I know you said Harry was lying but Tyler attacked you didn't he?" A tear rolls down Louis cheek, he can only nod. "Did he hurt you bad?" Louis shrugs. "Not really, he only pushed me but I hit my head on the floor and got concussion."  Zayn nods understanding.

The class passes by incredibly slow, they don't do any paper work the whole four hours is a presentation about the course work they have to complete over the winter holidays. "Class dismissed, Louis stay behind." for once Louis is happy to be kept behind because it gives Tyler the chance to leave.

"I hope you have good reason for not attending last week." The professor raises an eyebrow. "I was in hospital with a concussion." He just shakes his head, clearly not believing a word Louis is saying. "I wasn't born yesterday Louis, I know what my students get up to on a weekend, here's last week's work and don't let it happen again." Louis takes the work and mumbles a quick thank you before getting out there as quick as he can.

"Louis is everything ok?" Harry asks as soon as Louis leaves the room. "I just want to go home." Harry nods and walks him out of the building, chatting absent mindedly about hid class. Harry knows Louis isn't really listening, his blue eyes are darting all over the place and he's much more jumpy than he was this morning but eventually they get back to their room.

"Did something happen to you?" Louis shakes his head at Harry's question and sits down on the bed. Harry doesn't look convinced but he nods anyway. "ok, but i'm here if you want to talk to me.

Louis doesn't know what he would do without Harry.         


	15. Gym

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gym studies with no Zayn but at least there is Liam

"Good morning Lou." Harry says as soon as Louis eyes open. It's Wednesday, only three days left until the winter break. Louis once again has dread in the pit of stomach, yesterday went they had independent study all day, so he had gotten to stay home with Harry and catch up with some work, today Louis has gym class with Tyler.  "Good morning Harry." Louis responds eventually.

Harry notices something's wrong straight away. "You have gym studies today don't you?" Harry sits on the end of Louis bed, Louis nods. "What's actually scaring you Lou? Are you afraid to undress in front of the others?" Louis goes along with Harry's suggestion, yes he doesn't want to undress in front of others but the fact his rapist is in the room makes it worse. "I just feel so dirty and disgusting." Harry sighs. "Can't you give a note of dismissal?" Louis chews on his bottom lip. "They only allow doctors notes."

Louis has no choice but to go to class, so he throws on some joggers and a band T-shirt but changes his mind and puts a pair of skinny jeans on, he can't do gym in jeans and he's accidently on purposes forgot to bring a change of clothes with him. "Will you be ok? i'm really worried about you?" Harry and Louis have to go in opposite directions. Louis nods, what else can he say?

It's early morning and the lack of people around puts Louis at ease, while he's walking to the gym. Another thing that worries Louis is, Zayn hasn't taken physical studies. Louis wants to be a gym teacher, Zayn wants to be an art teacher which means Zayn's in art class while Louis is on his own. Liam takes gym but Louis isn't comfortable with his group of friends.

Louis isn't sure what to do when he gets to class, he would usually change into his shorts, then go into the gym, in the end he decides just to wait in the gym, too many people will be entering the changing room. Louis is sat in the empty room for a while, he hears loud noises in the changing room but nobody comes out, just yet. Eventually the gym teacher arrives and gives Louis a very pissed off impression once she takes in his appearance.   

"Good morning Louis, I wasn't under the impression that jeans and a stone roses T-shirt is appropriate for playing dodge ball in." Louis looks down at his feet. "I don't feel very well?" Is the best he can come up with but that only seems to make her madder. "So I take it you didn't bring any gym clothes then?" Louis shakes his head. "Louis on his period" He hears Liam shouting, Louis would have usually laughed along but right now he wants to punch the smug look of Liam's stupid face. "Yeah, he has cramps so badly." Tyler chips in and the words catch Louis off guard and a few stray tears roll down his cheeks. The gym teacher notices and sighs. "Okay Louis, i'll let you off just this once, you can go clean out the sports equipment, I need a word with you after class."

Louis hurries into the sports cupboard and breathes a sigh of relief, only two weeks ago he'd have hated been stuck in the cupboard instead of playing sports, if only his life hadn't gone to shit, he has a little cry to himself. The door opening springs Louis into action and he quickly wipes away any tears from his face.

"Hi Louis, I was under the impression you had come out of the closet years ago." It's only Liam thank god, but Louis only has the energy to force a little giggle. "Hey Louis, are you ok?" Louis nods and picks up a box of footballs. "Are you sure?" Liam places his hand on Louis shoulder, who jumps and smacks Liam's arm off him before he had even gotten the chance to think about it. "Jesus Louis, you really are on your period." Louis loses his shit and pushes Liam into a bunch of boxes, scattering ping pong balls all over the floor. Liam retaliates instantly and punches Louis in the mouth, bursting his lip.

The physical contact sends Louis into a panic attack, he sinks down onto the floor and gasps for breath. "What is going on in here?" She turns her attention to Louis instantly. "Come on Louis breathe, take in a deep breath and let it out again, keep doing it." Louis is eventually able to hear the instructions and can breathe again.

"What happened in here?" She asks once again, taking in the ping pong balls and Louis bloody lip. "Louis lost his shit for no god damn reason." Louis wipes his face with the back of his hand, smearing blood over his pale skin. "I'm sorry for punching you Liam, you were mean to me and-" Louis cries again and it's so embarrassing but it really concerns Liam. "I'm sorry Louis, I shouldn't have punched you." The gym teacher turns to Liam. "No you shouldn't have, take the ball and start a game of dodge ball, while I talk to Louis." Liam nods and goes to walk out of the room before she stops him again. "And Liam, you can come and clean this mess up after class."

She waits until Liam leaves the room before turning back to Louis. "Has something happened Louis?" Louis shakes his head and looks down at his feet to avoid eye contact. "You love gym and you never get into fights at all and you seem so droopy and emotional, you can talk to me about anything?" Louis quickly searches his brain for a lie and decides the one where he was attacked is the best one to go with. "I was beat up on my way home from a party, it's knocked me a little bit." He still doesn't look up at her but he hears a sigh. "Ok Louis, go get yourself home, hopefully when we get back after Christmas you'll be feeling a bit better." Louis thanks her and rushes out of the gym before she can change her mind.

Louis shivers stepping out into the cold air, he hasn't brought a coat with him but the cold wind in his face gives him a little satisfaction. When he finally gets home his whole body is numb from the cold and that makes him feel a little better. Louis climbs into his bed sheets to help his body warm up a little.

It's only when his temperature returns to normal that darkness in his mind returns again, telling him how dirty and disgusting he is. Louis screams, trying to block out the voices inside of his head but he knows there is only one way to stop it, he runs to the bathroom and takes out a razor and makes cut after cut up his thigh until eventually the voices stop.

Louis watches as the blood pools down his leg and onto a puddle on the floor. On the bright side, at least he can hide these cuts from Harry.        


	16. Last day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last day of class before Christmas

For the first time in forever Louis wakes up before the alarm without the dread in his stomach, today is the last day in class for the winter break and today's class doesn't have Tyler in it. Louis still feels really nervous about going in but for once he doesn't feel jumping in front of a car instead.

"Wow Louis is awake before the alarm, the apocalypse is starting." Harry jokes from his own bed. "You better get running now Harry, The walking dead makes you cry." Harry laughs as he jumps out of bed. "Yeah but Buffy the vampire slayer didn't make me vomit." Louis gets out of his own bed. "Vampires go through me." Louis waits until Harry goes into the bathroom and then he quickly pulls his clothes on, hiding the cuts on his thigh from Harry.

"Wow and you're dressed already." Harry pops some bread into the toaster. "Do you want anything?" Louis pours himself a bowl of coco pops, surprising Harry even more. "Are you feeling ok Lou?" Louis pours an ungodly amount of milk onto his cereal before sitting down. "Today is the last day of school and tomorrow I get to go home and see my family." Harry smiles, it's so nice to see Louis acting like his normal self. Louis only manages a few mouthfuls of cereal but Harry lets it go, at least he's eating something.

"Is your mum picking you up?" Harry asks when they are both out the room and walking to class. "I'm not sure yet, i'm going to call her when I get back. When are you going home?" Harry nods. "Mums coming for me tomorrow, Gemma's going to be home as well, I can't wait." Louis smiles. "I can't wait to see my sisters and brother."   Harry leaves Louis outside the class room once again, but Louis likes that he's so protective.

Louis takes his usual seat at the back of the room and waits for Zayn, who happens to be a lot earlier than usual, he bustles into the room with a huge smile on his face. "You have to tell me what happened with Liam." Zayn says and takes his usual seat. Louis shrugs. "He was being a dick, so I pushed him, he got mad and burst my lip." Zayn frowns. "He didn't tell he hit you, he said you pushed him for no reason and he was made to clean the supply closet." Louis shakes his head. "It doesn't matter." It really does matter to Zayn, but he's distracted with the professor walking into the room.

"Hope you're feeling better Louis, I heard you were hospitalised after I sent you home last week." Louis nods. "I'm much better thank you." She smiles and starts the class, as it's the last day of the semester, she's much more lenient and lets the class catch up on their unfinished work, which is perfect for Zayn to start talking again.

Louis watches as Zayn gets his laptop out of his bag and loads up a word document. "So tell me, why did Liam hit you?" Louis is a million miles behind in all his classes so he writes a list on paper on what he needs to catch up on over the Christmas break. "It's really nothing, I shouldn't have said anything." Zayn sighs. "Louis please tell me, i'm your friend." Louis squeezes down on the fresh cuts on his thigh. "He just said some things to me that the attacker said, I got mad and pushed him and he just retaliated but it's nothing really, we both apologised." Louis squeezes down even harder on his thigh to stop any tears leaking, he's become such a baby recently. "I told him to keep an eye on you because I knew you'd be on your own and I can't believe he hit you." "It really doesn't-" Louis starts but Zayn cuts him off. "It matters to me Louis."

Zayn spends the rest of the class in a bad mood, he texts Liam a couple of times and gets even more angry. "Louis, i'm going." Zayn packs all his things into his bag. "I hope you have a good Christmas and I hope Santa brings you a phone because I have no one to text." Zayn rushes out of the room before Louis even gets the chance to say goodbye to him. Louis spends the rest of the class just sat awkwardly he has nothing to do, so he's pretty glad when it's over.

Louis is even happier when he sees Harry waiting outside for him. "Where's Zayn?" Louis shrugs. "He went home early, he was in a really weird mood." Harry nods. "I saw Liam earlier and he said Zayn was acting pissy with him." Louis laughs despite how bad he feels on the inside. "Trouble in paradise, eh." Harry smiles. "If only we were in paradise with him."

"Are you going to call your mum?" Harry asks Louis as soon as they back to the room. "Yeah, is it ok if I use your phone?" Harry presses his iphone into Louis hand. "Of course, i'll leave you to it." Louis watches as Harry sits down at the table and starts reading one of his course books, so Louis presses in his mums number.

"Hi mum, it's me Louis, I was wondering what's happening tomorrow?" There is an awkward silence for a few seconds. "What do you mean, love?" She says eventually. "Well, i'm coming home for Christmas." He hears a sigh on the other end. "Aww love, i'm really sorry I thought you were spending it with Harry, i've arranged for me and the kids to Doris and Ernest's dad. I feel awful now, it's your birthday as well but i've sent your cards and presents in the post. Would you like me to cancel and spend it at home with you?" Louis sniffs. "It's okay mum, I should have said something sooner." "Thank you love, I really did think you were spending it with Harry, I love you. Bye." Louis mumbles a quick goodbye and slams the phone down onto the bed.

The sound of the phone smacking against the bed sheets grabs Harry's attention. He drops his book and finds Louis curled up in a ball sobbing. "Louis, what happened?" Louis sniffs. "She doesn't want me home, I have to spend Christmas alone."  Harry shakes his head. "No, you're coming home with me, nobody should spend Christmas alone." Louis voice is muffled by the pillow. "It's not fair on your mum."

Harry texts his mum and asks if Louis can stay for Christmas, she responds almost instantly with a yes. So it's all set, Louis is spending Christmas and new year with Harry.  


	17. Happy Birthday Louis / Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Christmas traditions in the Styles house

Louis wakes up and feels a cold space next to him in bed, Harry must have already woken up and gone downstairs. Harry's mum had come and collected them both from university last night, Anne and Gemma had been very welcoming and happy to see him. They had a Chinese takeout for dinner and then gone straight to bed. Louis is sharing Harry's bed with him.

Today is the twenty fourth of December which means it isn't only Christmas eve but Louis birthday, Harry hasn't said anything so Louis can only assume he's forgotten, Louis doesn't really mind, his Birthday had never really been much of celebration anyway with it being so close to Christmas. So Louis heads downstairs to see where Harry is.

 _Happy Birthday to You_ __  
Happy Birthday to You  
Happy Birthday Dear Louis  
Happy Birthday to You

Louis gasps when he walks into the living room to Harry holding a birthday cake, Gemma and Anne had joined in with the song. "Thank you." Louis blushes, "I thought you had forgot." Harry sets the cake down on the table and goes to pull Louis into a hug but stops himself, Louis already had a surprise but Louis senses his hesitation and wraps his arms around Harry. "Thank you Harry." Harry smiles and pulls Louis closer. "It's the least I can do for you."

"Stop all that loving love birds, it's time for presents." Gemma snaps and Harry springs away out of pure embarrassment, love birds? Luckily Louis didn't seem to notice. "This one is from mum and me." Gemma presses a small wrapped parcel into Louis hand. "You didn't have to." Gemma smiles. "Of course we did, now open it." Louis tears off the wrapping paper to find a Calvin Klein after shave set "Thank you." Louis smiles and squirts a little onto his wrist. "I hope you like it, we didn't know what to get out."

"I think this one is off your mum?" Harry hands Louis a gift wrapped in birthday paper. "They were others in Christmas paper, so I assume this is your birthday present?."  Louis nods and rips off the paper, it's the Doncaster Rover's new home shirt. Louis laughs. "It's been a tradition ever since I was boy."

"Now it's time for my gift." Harry is very excited when Louis thanks him and rips off the paper. Louis looks a little confused when he looks at the white box but Harry smiles even wider. "It's a grow your own funky veg kit, you get one packet of purple carrot seeds, stripy tomato seeds, yellow courgette seeds, red brussel sprouts seeds, multicoloured swiss chard seeds and the best thing is, you can grow it from our room at university." Gemma stares. "Harry are you serious? You put that on your own Christmas list." Harry bursts out into laughter. "I thought Louis would like one too." Harry pulls out another wrapped gift. "It was just a joke Louis, I got you something else." Louis smiles. "I would have loved the weird veg anyway." Louis opens the new parcel and finds a watch inside. "This is too much Harry, I can-" Harry cuts him off. "It wasn't all that expensive and it's perfect for you." Harry takes the watch and puts it on Louis wrist. "Perfect."

The rest of the morning, Louis, Harry and Gemma spend lazing on the sofa watching TV while Anne is in the kitchen preparing for the families Christmas dinner tomorrow. Gemma catches up on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Harry complains. Harry catches up on the weeks The Chase, while Gemma complains. Harry and Gemma insist Louis picks something to watch, he picks A League of Their own, neither complain but Louis can tell they both really want to.

"I've brought you a little bit of Birthday lunch Louis, i'm really sorry it's not much." Anne brings them in a plate of food each with a sandwich, a cupcake, crisps and a chocolate biscuit. "It's perfect, thank you." Louis beams. Harry and Gemma wolf their food down, while Louis can only pick at his, he takes a few bites of the cheese sandwich, eats all the crisps, half the biscuit and doesn't touch the cupcake. "Not hungry Louis?" Anne smiles when she takes the plate away, but doesn't push it any further.   

The afternoon is spent watching Toy story 3, while Anne wraps a few last minute gifts for the family. Louis has seen the movie many times but Harry hasn't seen it yet, so Louis watches his facial expression. Louis heart melts when he laughs at the funny parts and his heart breaks when harry lets a small tear trickle down his cheek at the ending. Gemma is also in tears. "Well that's my childhood ruined." Harry nods. "Poor woody."

"Time for our Christmas eve traditions." Anne comes down the stairs in her pyjamas with three parcels in her hand. "Hope you enjoy our family traditions Louis." Anne smiles and hands the three of them a present each. Gemma has a pair of Disney pyjamas while Louis and Harry get a pair of simpson's pyjamas. "Go and put them on, while I go make hot chocolate and put the Grinch on."

"You alright doing this aren't you Louis?" Harry asks, he has his back turned to Louis while he pulls his pyjamas on. "I'm just really happy Harry, you are all treating me like part of the family, it's amazing." Harry wraps his arm around Louis, who flinches but doesn't pull away. "You are part of the family Louis."

The whole family sip on their mugs of coca while they watch the Grinch, apparently the Styles family watch this movie every year since Harry was six. Gemma tells Louis about the times Harry cried when the Grinch ate glass. Anne makes a whole table of buffet style food for dinner, even Louis manages to eat quite a lot of it, for the first time since it all happened it's the first time Louis has felt genuinely happy.  

After the movie ends, it's time for everyone to go to bed. "Louis? are you awake?" Harry whispers a little while after they go to bed. "Yeah?" Louis whispers back. "Its twelve AM, Merry Christmas Louis."    


	18. Christmas day Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas morning at the Styles house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holiday's everyone! My gift to you is an early update! 
> 
> I'm still going to be posting tomorrow as usual, so i've split Christmas in two parts. 
> 
> ENJOY!

"Wake up Louis, it's Christmas!" Louis wakes up to find Harry practically jumping around his bedroom. Apparently it's also a Styles Christmas tradition to wake up at half past seven, the Tomlinson household would usually wake up sometime around ten Am, at least until the twins were born.

"Merry Christmas Harry." Louis pushes the bed covers off his body, seeing the pure joy on Harry's face makes Louis really happy. "Merry Christmas to you too, Lou." Harry throws his arms around Louis, who flinches in surprise but soon wraps his arms around Harry in turn. "Thank you for letting me be part of Christmas." Harry smiles. "I couldn't be happier to be spending it with you."

"Boy's are you decent?" Anne knocks on the door before opening it slightly. "Come on, let's see if Santa has been." Harry jumps out of bed and races out of the room, Louis follows behind quietly, following them down the stairs. Gemma is already in the kitchen, switching the kettle on. "We don't get to go into the living room to open presents until we've had a drink." Gemma smiles. "Just another silly tradition, what would you like to drink Louis?" Louis smiles back, Harry has the kind of family people can only dream of. "Tea, please." Harry has his usual black coffee while sat on the work top, Gemma and Anne both have coffee but with milk. They all sip in silence.

"Is time for presents now?" Harry jumps off the work top, Anne just laughs. "Let's go see if Santa has been." Harry rolls his eyes in embarrassment but follows his mum into the living room anyway, there are two massive piles of presents for Harry and Gemma and smallish pile for Louis, but it's much more presents than he's used to. "Thank you." Louis musters, Anne smiles. "I'm sorry it's nothing like Harry and Gemma's I only found out you'd be staying at short notice." Louis smiles. "It's already too much."

Harry sits in the left corner of the living room and starts to rip the paper off his presents, Gemma in the right corner does the same. "Go on Lou, open yours." Harry shouts over, while opening the new water proof fit bit. Louis sits down in the middle, feeling a little awkward and guilty, Harry's mum should have never done this for him. "Don't be shy Louis." Gemma shouts over Harry, a pair of Jimmy choo shoes in her hands. Louis rips off the paper of a small parcel, he's always had the habit of starting from smallest to biggest. Louis doesn't expect to find a fit bit as well. "Oh my thank you." Anne smiles. "You don't have to say thank you Louis."

Louis also unwraps another pair of pyjamas, a set of head phones, a Lacoste shirt and pair of jeans. Louis wants to cry with guilt, they are all really expensive gifts, that he doesn't deserve at all. "I'm sorry Anne, but thank you again, I feel so bad." Anne beams and pulls Louis into a hug, it takes him by surprise and he wants to push her away but he manages to remain calm and hug her back. "It feels like you are part of the family Louis"

Louis takes a seat next to Anne and the sofa and watches Harry and Gemma tear through a mountain of gifts. Gemma's range from Pandora bracelet and charms up to the latest Macbook, lots of expensive perfume and a couple pairs of designer shoes and clothes with lots of bits and pieces in between. Harry's range from Rolex watch up to a set of car keys for a range rover, he also has driving lessons, clothes, apple watch and some designer clothing. Harry also has lots of bits and pieces.

"Looks like we'll being seeing more of you now." Gemma smirks when Harry opens his car keys, Louis heart sinks a little bit thinking of all the times he's going to be alone at college. Harry smirks. "Nah, I rather be at college away from my smelly sister." Gemma throws a ball of torn wrapping paper at Harry's head. "Hey."

"Are you alright Louis?" Harry asks, catching Louis eye, who just nods in response. "Leave him alone Harry, it's bound to be a little upsetting for him, spending Christmas without his family." Harry looks a little sad. "Come upstairs Louis, you can open your gift from me." Louis follows Harry up the stairs, trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry Louis, I didn't mean to show off." Harry sighs, Louis smiles at him. "No, it's not that, it's just I miss my mum and sisters." Harry nods. "I can imagine." Louis bites his lip to stop the tears rolling down his cheeks, Harry must be sick of his crying by now. "Anyway." Louis snaps out of it with a smile and pulls a gift out his bag. "This is for you Harry." Harry rips off the paper and beams with delight when he opens a black sweater. "I'm sorry it's not much." Harry pulls on his sweater and a pair of his new designer jeans. "I love it Louis." Harry reaches under his bed and presses a small box into Louis hand. "Haven't you done enough for me already." Harry laughs. "Nope, i'd like to give you the world but this is going to have to do for now." Louis heart melts, Harry is the most perfect person on the planet. Louis slowly pulls off the paper and it's an ipod. "Harry, wow I can't accept this, it's too much." Harry takes it out of Louis hand. "I know yours got stolen, so I want you to have it." Louis wraps his arms around Harry's neck. "Thank you Harry."

Louis puts his new clothes on before opening his gifts from his mum, he gets a Liverpool FC shirt and a new phone, which he's really happy about. "Yay, we can text in class now, i've missed your annoying texts." Harry jokes but Louis only pouts in response. "Yeah, but you never texted back." Harry laughs. "I don't want to get kicked out of class." Louis laughs along with Harry because his laugh is so contagious. "You're such a nerd Harry." "And i'm proud."

"Harry your Uncle Mike and Aunty Dee are here." Anne calls from downstairs, another Styles tradition is having Christmas dinner with Harry's aunty and uncle. Harry's three cousins Ella, Matt and Ben are also here. Louis feels really nervous when he heads downstairs.        


	19. Christmas day Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of angst and a little bit of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is really late i've been really ill with a chest infection

Harry races down the stairs, Ella is already heading off into the direction of Gemma's room, a massive bag of Mac make up in her hand. "Matt, Ben." Harry throws his arms around his cousins. "I've missed you two so much." Harry shouts, Matt laughs and tweaks Harry's nose. "Not our fault you're a nerd and decided to go to college." Harry laughs in response and leaves the hall way with his cousins, leaving Louis still awkwardly standing on the staircase.

Louis eventually picks up the courage and follows them into the living room. Harry is loading up a new game on his play station four. "You want to play with us Louis?" Harry asks, waving the joy stick in the air. Louis shakes his head. "No, thank you." Ben looks Louis up and down before turning back to Harry. "Your boyfriend is a bit uptight." Harry laughs. "He's not much boyfriend, just my roommate." Louis not sure why, but Harry's words smash his heart into a million pieces. Matt nods in response. "He looks like a scruff as well." Harry doesn't say anything, just shoots Louis a look of apology but Louis turns his head.

Louis sits awkwardly on the sofa, while Harry and his cousins laugh and scream at the game, until Anne comes in and tells them to stop screaming. Louis uses this moment to set up his new phone, fortunately he still has his old sim card and all his old texts start flashing up, he quickly deletes the ones from Zayn with a lump in his throat. There are a few from Harry and a couple from Liam, all from the dreading night. A couple of million flash up from his mum, which Louis also deletes. "Guess who got a new phone." Louis texts Zayn.

"Come on Louis, it's time for dinner." Harry says and snaps Louis out of his thoughts. They both head into the kitchen, there are four free seats, three in a row and one next to Harry's cousin Ben, Louis heart sinks when Harry takes the seat next to Ben. Louis sits awkwardly on the end of the table, until Gemma takes her seat next to Louis. "How come you're sat on your own?" Gemma asks with a smile. "I l let Harry sit near his cousin." Louis lies, because he has no idea what else to say.

The food looks absolutely amazing golden turkey breasts, mountain of mash potato, crispy roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, sprouts, carrot's and parsnips all drowned in gravy. Everyone starts to tuck in. "Your boyfriend looks a little upset that you decided to sit with us." Matt laughs. "I told you he's not my boyfriend." Louis pretends he doesn't hear and puts a carrot into his mouth, even though he's not at all hungry.

"Why is the boy having Christmas dinner with us?" Harry's aunty asks Anne, everyone turns to look at him, only Anne and Gemma have a smile on their face. "Louis, he's Harry's best friend at college, his family are away for Christmas." Dee nods and gives Louis a smile but Matt shakes his head. "He's just a mooch." Harry laughs but Anne cuts it short. "Harry, how can you treat your friend like that?" Harry stops laughing and frowns. "Sorry mum." Louis pops a parsnip into his mouth, pretending he didn't hear again. "Mum says you had to go last minute shopping to buy him presents, so he is a mooch." Ben adds but Anne frowns at him. "He was invited and I bought him gifts because I wanted to, now stop ruining Christmas dinner you're making him feel awkward." The rest of dinner is spent in silence, Louis feels terrible for ruining Christmas dinner and can't finish his food.

"I'll help you wash the dishes Anne." Louis says when the dinner is over, Anne takes one look at Louis plate and nods in agreement. Louis starts stacking the dishes next to the sink, Anne doesn't say anything until everyone has left the kitchen. "Louis, you haven't even touched your dinner." Louis sighs. "I'm sorry-" He starts but Anne cuts him off. "They had no right to make you feel so awful, you couldn't eat your dinner, i'm sorry Louis." Anne looks like she wants to cry, Louis takes a deep breath and hugs her. "I'm sorry." Anne hugs him back. "You have nothing to be sorry for." Anne pulls away and starts loading the dishwasher, Louis goes to help but Anne just shakes her head. "Don't be silly Louis, go and find Harry." Louis doesn't really want to but Anne practically shoos him out of the kitchen saying guests don't wash up.  

Harry's aunty and uncle are watching something on the TV, Gemma and Ella are playing with Gemma's new hair straighter's. Harry and his cousins are gathered around someone's Ipad. Louis sits next to Gemma, not really sure what to do. Ella smiles. "I don't think you want your hair doing, go sits with the boys they were only joking with you." Louis blushes, he moves and sits nearer to Harry but doesn't dare sit with them. "Harry, I need to talk to you for a second." Anne calls from the kitchen. "Mooch." The other two boys keep whispering, Louis eventually can't take any more and heads up stairs into Harry's room.

Louis breathes a sigh of relief when he gets into the bedroom, he can finally cry, so hard the tears drip down his face. Louis drops his jeans and takes the blade out of his bag and makes a few more cuts onto his thigh, the burn makes him feel a little better, he jumps when he hears footsteps on the stairs. Louis quickly puts the blade in his bag and pulls his jeans up, just in time for Harry to enter the room. Louis turns away and presses his face into the pillow.

"Why didn't you tell me you were upset instead of my mum?" Harry says eventually after a few awkward seconds of silence. "I'm going to get a taxi back to school." Louis stands up and starts putting things into his bag. "Why? because you can't handle a bit of banter." Louis can't stop the tears this time. "I'm just a joke to you, I thought you cared, i'm so stupid." Louis throws everything into his bag, he leaves the presents behind, before Harry gets the chance to stop him, Louis storms down the stairs and out of the front door.

Louis shivers when the cold air hits him, he doesn't have any money, so a taxi is out of the question, instead he sits down on the edge of the curb and cries a little bit more. "Louis, i'm sorry." Harry shouts, running down the street in his slippers, Louis stands up and goes to walk off again but Harry manages to grab him this time. "Don't touch me." Louis snaps. "Just listen Louis, please." Louis shakes his head. "No, i'm just a mooch after all." Harry sighs. "They didn't mean it Louis, they just like to joke that's all." Louis shrugs. "I'm always the joke, it really hurts me that i'm not myself any more Harry, it's horrible but I thought you of all people would understand why i'm upset." Harry nods and starts to cry himself. "I'm sorry Louis, I wasn't thinking, I always tend to act stupid when i'm with them, I love you so much, I hate that i've hurt you." Louis nods. "It's ok." Harry shakes his head. "Of course it's not ok, please come home, I won't be a dick anymore I promise." Louis reluctantly agrees.

"Come on Harry, leave your boyfriend alone and come watch this video with us." Matt calls to Harry as soon as he sits down on the sofa with Louis. Louis clenches his fists and gets ready to walk out again. "No, i've ignored Louis enough today." Ben shrugs and laughs. "Wouldn't want to get in the way of your love making, make sure you wear protection, don't want one of you getting pregnant." Harry smiles. "Yeah, well at least i'm not fucking my brother." Louis bites down hard onto his lower lip to stop a laugh escaping. Ben just scowls and continues watching the video.

Harry spends the rest of Christmas with Louis, they play on the play station for a while, laugh at all the cringy engagement posts on instagram and facebook. The end of the night is spent watching Elf, while Harry manages to polish off a full box of chocolates.

It's only when they are in bed and Harry is complaining of stomach pain from eating all the chocolates Louis realises he's falling for Harry.          


	20. Happy new year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis spend the new year together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early new years eve post. Hope everyone has a wonderful new year, I wish you all nothing but safety and happiness.

The past week has been absolutely perfect, Louis has become a lot more comfortable around Harry, he doesn't get anxious when Harry takes him by surprise, he actually enjoys the feeling of been wrapped up in Harry's big strong arms. Anne and Gemma treat him like he's part of the family, Louis is not at all comfortable with hugs from them but they seem to understand he needs his space. The only thing that is getting Louis down is, tonight is New Year's eve and they are spending at Harry's cousin's house.

"Louis are you feeling ok? You've been really quiet today." Harry asks, they are both in the bedroom getting ready for tonight's party, Louis hadn't noticed he'd been acting any different but he has been spending the whole day worrying. Louis pulls the shirt over his head before responding. "Yeah, just a little nervous I guess." Harry sighs, feeling horribly guilty. "That's my fault and i'm really sorry." Louis takes Harry' hand and smiles. "Of course it's not your fault, it's just me i'm weird." Harry smiles back, his heart swelling with love. "You are not weird, you are absolutely perfect."  Louis smiles, Harry makes him feel really special.

When it's time to leave the house Anne gives Harry another lecture about ignoring Louis. Harry rolls his eyes at her. "I made a mistake, I won't do it again." Anne nods, each member of the Styles family has a heavy Asda bag filled with the nights alcohol supply. "Mum, can I have a few drinks tonight please?" Harry asks, running forward a little to catch up to Anne. "You can have a few Harry but don't get yourself into any states just like you last year." Gemma laughs. "Does Louis know what you did last year?" Harry flushes red when Louis shakes his head. "He stole my aunts supply for champagne before we went to a party at a five star hotel, he threw up in a potted plant and got us kicked out." Harry laughs a little. "I ate some bad shrimp."

"Hello Harry, I see you brought the mooch again." Matt says as soon as Harry and Louis get through the front door. "Hello Matt, I see you've been sucking off your brother again." "Harry." Anne snaps but she can barely contain her laughter. "Are you going to ditch him and come upstairs with us?" Ben asks. "Nah." Is Harry's only reply and drags Louis into the lounge. A small dog runs over to Harry, although it looks more like a fluffy rat to Louis. "Hello Poofles." Harry speaks affectionately as he strokes the dog, Louis tries not to laugh at the name.

Harry disappears into the kitchen but returns a few short seconds later with a champagne flute in one hand and a can of Calsburg in the other. "I know you are more of a beer drinker." Harry passes the can to Louis and smiles. "I got mum to buy them for you." Louis thanks Harry as he takes the can. "I take it you never go to any parties at college because we drink beer instead of champagne." Harry laughs, sending a spray of champagne all over the place. "That's exactly it, half naked girls with cans in their hands, grinding up against you, smelling of vomit when they grind their selves up against you." Louis smiles. "Sounds like a bomb ass Nialler party to me." Louis laughs but it's bitter sweet the thought of the party and the same taste of the alcohol running down his throat from the dreaded night gives Louis some unwanted memories. Harry seems to read Louis like a book and changes the subject. "When I was at school one of my friends snuck in a bottle of vodka, one of the nerds had one sip and vomited over the teacher." This seems to instantly cheer up Louis. "Was it you? You're a nerd." Harry pretends to be disgusted. "I'll have you know I was one of the cool kids." Louis sees Ben walk into the room from the corner of his eyes and lowers his voice a little. "Bet your cousin was a bigger nerd." Harry laughs really loudly, obviously not noticing Ben in the room. "Yeah, Ben pissed himself when we were in our second year of high school."

Ben didn't say anything, just stormed into the kitchen but Harry's aunt comes into the room a few seconds later. "Harry Edward Styles, I don't know how you have the audacity to say such lies about your cousin when you are quite clearly a disgrace to your family, having a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend is one thing but parading around some gutter snipe is another, you disgust me." Louis bites his lip and looks down at the floor, feeling dreadful for getting Harry into trouble, Harry looks like he's close to tears when Gemma steps in. "Louis isn't Harry's boyfriend but if he was we couldn't be happier that he's with such a kind and loving person, Harry's happiness is all that matters to us." Anne nods. "Having a gay son is much better than having two bullies." Harry shrugs, a small smile appearing on his face. "Everyone at school thought they were fucking each other anyway, so no girl would want them anyway." Harry's aunt scowls and walks out of the room, Anne follows her into the kitchen. Gemma sits on the arm, next to Harry. "Don't be upset Harry, we are proud of you no matter what." Harry smiles and turns to Louis. "Bitch can say what she wants about me, just upset me that she could say such horrible things to Louis." Louis squeezes Harry's hand. "You are too good for this world."

When it gets closer to midnight, Harry takes Louis by the hand into the back garden, the two of them sit on a bench with a clear view of the night sky, a single star shines brightly in the sky. "When there is a lone star in the sky, make a wish and it will come true." Harry says, it's cold night every word sends a puff of steam out of his mouth. "I want you to have the wish Louis." Louis shakes his head. "You should have it." Harry covers Louis hand with his own. "I want you to have it." Harry says again, not really giving Louis a choice. Louis squeezes his eyes shut and mumbles the wish under his breath. "Want to know what I wished for?" Harry smiles. "Nope, it won't come true."

The whole sky flashes red, followed by a loud screech, the fireworks indicate the new year has begun. "Happy new year Louis." Harry whispers, closing his eyes, Louis can taste the champagne on Harry's breath when their lips meet, it's just a soft kiss and it only lasts a couple of seconds.

Louis wish had come true.       


	21. The morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis has been feeling a lot better recently but he can't shake those dark thoughts in the back of his brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a great new year

It's only six AM when Louis eyes flutter open, Harry is still asleep and snoring loudly next to him. A little bit of dread is settled down in the pit of Louis stomach, today is New Years day which only means one thing, the festivities are over with, in only a few short days it will be time to go back to college and for normality to start again and all the thoughts and the feelings will be back again.

"I have an headache from hell." Harry groans, shocking Louis out of his thoughts. Louis and Harry had shared many kisses after the clock struck midnight, it hadn't struck Louis before but Harry was clearly drunk, he's a fool to think someone like Harry would really be interested in him. "Oh no, how much did you have to drink last night?" Louis asks, his heart pounding, maybe just maybe it will have only been the one glass. "Two bottles of champagne and two can of your beer." "Oh." Louis says, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. "Take some pain killers." Harry reaches into the draw on his night stand and swallows two pills.

"I didn't do anything embarrassing last night, did I?" Harry asks Louis as he climbs out of bed, starting to dress himself ready for the day. "Nah, not unless you call throwing up in a plant embarrassing." Louis jokes and climbs out of bed after Harry. Harry rolls his eyes. "I hate Gemma for telling you that." Louis laughs. "Do you even remember anything from last night?" Harry reads the desperation in Louis voice.

"I remember something's." Harry takes a step forward, closing the gap between him and Louis. "And I don't regret a thing." Harry presses a kiss onto Louis forehead. "I just didn't want to say anything, just in case you regretted what had happened." Louis can't help the beaming smile on his face. "How could I regret it? Someone like you wanting to kiss me."

Harry and Louis head down stairs together,  Anne is busy in the kitchen and Gemma is sprawled out on the sofa in her pyjamas and dressing gown, she laughs when she see's Harry. "At least no potted plants were harmed last night, just the feelings of our sweet cousin." Harry laughs along with her. "Nothing was hurt other than feelings." Louis takes the seat next to Harry. "And some people deserve to have hurt feelings."

"When are you two going back to college?" Gemma asks while switching through the TV channels, eventually setting on Ex on the beach, to Harry's disgust. "Friday, I think so we can settle down for the weekend before college starts again, when are you back at work?" Gemma shrugs. "I fly to Paris on Tuesday night."  "wow." Louis chimes in. "Where do you work?" Gemma smiles, she loves her job. "I did a fashion degree, they call me in when i'm needed, I fix costumes before fashion shows, just in Europe for now, but i'm hoping for more long Haul work soon." Harry throws a pillow at her head. "Stop bragging, nobody cares about your awful clothes." Gemma laughs. "Then I won't invite you to come and see me in LA." Harry mock yawns. "I would rather go to Butlins then spend any time in America with you."

"Are you going back to college with Harry or are you going home to see your parents?" Anne asks when she walks into the living room, the smell of a roast fills the room. Louis feels a little awkward, he hasn't arranged to see his mother. "Can I go back home with Harry? I am probably just going to see my mum and sisters on the next break." Anne smiles. "Of course that's ok." For the first time since visiting Louis feels out of place, of course they want to spend a little bit of time with Harry on their own, it's Christmas after all.

 _"Harry can I talk to you a minute?"_ Louis texts Harry after he excuses himself to go to the bathroom but instead he goes into the bedroom and starts to pack his things. "What are you doing Lou?" Harry asks as soon as he enters the room, Louis bag and a few piles of clothes are scattered over the bed. "Where is the best place to get the train back to college?" Harry sighs and sits down on his bed. "Why do you want to go home, have I upset you?" Louis smiles at Harry and closes the gap between them. "Not at all Harry, you're perfect. I just feel i've maybe out stayed my welcome." Harry stands back up and wraps his arms around Louis shoulders. "I love having you here with me, I don't want you to go home." Louis heart melts, no one has ever loved him like Harry does. "I know Harry, I love being here with you too, it's just i've been at home with your for two weeks, surely your mum and sister want some time with you alone, it's perfectly understandable." Harry pulls Louis even closer. "I'm not letting you go and that's final." Louis really enjoys the hug from Harry.

Anne shouts them downstairs for dinner, they all sit at the table eating what's left of the Christmas food. "Harry's grandmother is visiting us tomorrow Louis, she's going to love you." Gemma nods and kicks Harry under the table. "She's been telling you to bring someone home for a while now Hazza." Harry and Louis both start laughing. "Although i'm not sure she means a friend from college."

The word friend stabs Louis a little bit, obviously he's not Harry's boyfriend and they have only kissed just once. Louis would love to be more than a friend and he can only hope Harry will eventually feel the same way. Louis hardly touches his plate of food, he feels a little fat for over eating during Christmas and an overwhelming voice in the back of his head keeping telling him. Harry deserves a million times better than you.          


	22. Grandmother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grandma comes to visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As if I uploaded the New Years day chapter twice and I didn't even notice until now. I am an idiot. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> Much love

"Where are my two favourite Grand babies?" A voice calls out from the hall way. It's really early in the morning and Harry is only just pouring out cereals in his pyjamas when he hears his grandma's voice and runs to see her. Gemma is already dressed.

"Oh Harry, you'll never find yourself a nice girl when you can't even be bothered to make yourself look presentable." Grandma laughs and pulls Harry into a big hug and kisses around his face. "It's 8am grandma-" Harry starts but she cuts him off quickly. "You never know when your sweetheart will walk into your life, be prepared. Look how lovely Gemma looks." Harry sees Gemma poking her tongue out from behind Grandma.

"Oh my, you must be Gemma's boyfriend." Grandma eventually spots Louis standing awkwardly behind Harry. "You look a little young for our Gem, but good work girl nothing wrong with a toy boy." Louis mouth is so dry, he doesn't manage to get any words out, luckily Harry comes to the rescue. "He's just my friend from college Gran, his name is Louis." Grandma smiles even wider. "Then let's hope Harry isn't foolish enough to let this one go then." Louis blushes and Harry laughs even harder.

"I told you Harry's friend was staying over mum, stop trying to set Gemma up." Anne puffs bringing in a couple of bags from the car. "Anne, I keep telling you, if Gemma always puts her work first, no good man will ever want her." Harry's grandmother is an old fashioned type of woman. Women should be at home cooking and cleaning while the men go out to work, Gemma and Harry's grandmother always get into arguments about the subject. "She'll find someone when she's good and ready." Grandma shakes her head. "All the good men will be taken by then and besides looks don't last forever." Gemma looks a little hurt and stays quiet.

"Mum, why don't you get to know Louis in the longue while Gemma and I make coffee?" Grandma seems to like the idea and follows Harry and Louis into the lounge. "So Louis, what are you studying at college?" Louis is wearing Harry's hoody, it's a little big on him, so he pulls the sleeves down over his hand for comfort. "Sports and teaching, I want to be a gym teacher when I qualify." Grandma smiles politely but doesn't seem overly impressed. "How old are you Louis, when do you graduate?" Louis smiles. "I'm nineteen, I'm in my first year." Grandma looks Louis up and down, a little bit of disappointment in her eyes.  "Oh, it's Harry's first year as well and he's only sixteen, though I don't suppose everyone can be as smart as our Harry." Louis doesn't get the chance to respond because Gemma and Anne walk into the longue will mugs of coffee, Gemma's eyes are red and puffy.

Anne knows Louis like the back of her hand know and hands him a mug of milky tea. Louis holds the mug in his hands, warming them up a little. "Gemma, men don't like emotional girls, learn to bottle it up woman." Anne rubs Gemma's back. "Gemma and Harry are perfect the way they are mum, i'm so proud of the both of them." Harry's grandma takes in a long sip before responding. "I just don't want her to end up divorced like you love, it's just not right for a lady to be out working." It's Anne's turn to look a little hurt, but she doesn't say anything.

The atmosphere lightens a little bit when Grandma can see she's hurt everyone's feelings and decides to keep her opinions to herself. "Did you really think I hadn't brought you any Christmas presents?" Grandma hands Harry an envelope, it has an Harrods gift card inside. "You are a strange boy Harry, when you were five you asked me for a Bonsai tree for Christmas, so I figured at least you can buy what you want with that." Harry wraps his arms around her neck. "Thank you grandma." Grandma then gives Gemma a wrapped gift with an envelope on top, inside the parcel is a couple of MAC gift sets with a makeover voucher, in the envelope is a gift card for Harrods with a little less money than Harry. "Hope that's ok love, thought you could buy yourself some nice fabric for work." Gemma seems really satisfied and also hugs her. "You didn't think I forgot you, Anne has been telling me how you've become part of the family, so how could I not get you anything?" Grandma hands Louis an envelope, which also has an Harrods gift card inside. "Wow, I can't thank you enough, are you sure?" Louis mumbles but Grandma pulls Louis in for a massive hug. "Boy, when you get to my age you'll see how little money means to you in life." Just as Louis pulls away she whispers into his ear. "Make sure our Harry doesn't let you go."

"Did you really ask for a plant for Christmas?" Louis asks and Harry just smiles. "She forgot about my third birthday when I asked for a rose bush and my tenth birthday I asked for a Venus fly trap." Louis laughs really hard. "You're a fucking weirdo Harry." Harry smiles back. "Get it right Louis, i'm a weirdo that loves plants, i'm looking forward to going back to school because I miss my cactus." Louis raises an eyebrow. "Why didn't you bring it home?" "Because he gets home sick." Harry says like it's the most normal thing on earth.

Harry takes a look at Louis, a long hard look like it's the first time he's ever seen him. His arms are stretched so his shirt is riding up a little bit, the last time Harry saw it, it was covered in bruises. His hair his tousled and messy but he looks perfect anyway. "I didn't used to like you, you know." Harry says eventually, it's only since the horrible night Harry had fallen in love. Louis' face doesn't change, he doesn't look upset or angry. "Why?" His blue eyes meet Harry's.

There are many reasons Harry didn't like Louis, he always left the room a mess, dishes in the sink, clothes strewn all over the place. Harry kind of felt like Louis treated him like a mother. The second was the partying, Louis would go out and party every single night, he would go out get hammered come back and vomit all over the place, sometimes he wouldn't come back at all and Harry would be up all night worrying. Louis rarely invited Harry to the parties but when he did Louis would always try and have sex with him but that's not even the worst of it, sometimes Harry would wake up in a morning and find a stranger in bed with Louis. The last thing is, Louis would never take anything serious, he never did his home work and just messed around in class.

"Why?" Louis asks again, this time there is a little bit of edge to his voice, like the thought is eating him up from the inside. "You were loud, messy and never did any studying." is about the nicest way harry can phrase it, he breathes a sigh of relief when a playful smile appears on Louis face. "Oh did naughty Louis always leave his boxers near poor Harry's cactus." Harry smiles back. "Yes poor little Freddie, is still traumatized by the things you did."

"Do you like me now?" Louis asks eventually after a brief moment of silence. Harry looks at Louis and covers his hand with his own. "No." Harry says casually and the look of hurt really does show up on his face this time. "I don't like you Louis, I think I love you."        


	23. Loose cannon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis feeling a little wild, Harry doesn't agree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is super late again, i've been working nights and got all my days mixed up.

It's Friday morning and Louis and Harry are packing up to go back to college, to say Louis is scared would be the understatement of the century. It's been so long since Louis has felt this bad, his stomach is in knots and he's scratching at his arms to keep himself distracted. "I don't want to go back, he'll be there waiting for me." Louis says out loud and drops to the floor and violently scratches at any of the skin he can reach.

"Hey, it's ok." Harry drops one of the sweaters he's been holding and runs over to Louis, he doesn't touch him but drops down next to him. "It's ok Louis, we'll get through this together." Louis doesn't meet Harry's eye just continues scratching, Harry winces a little bit at all the blood in his nails. "Louis love, I love you. I won't let any more harm come to you. This seems to work, Louis stops scratching and looks at Harry. "You promise?" Louis sounds like a scared child. "I promise." Harry wraps his arms around Louis and pulls him into a tight hug, Louis doesn't hug back but he doesn't push Harry away.

"Why do you put up with me Harry?" Louis looks down at the scratches on his arm and runs a finger through the small trickle of blood. "Because you are the kindest, sweetest human on the planet." Harry squeezes Louis palm but he snatches his hand away.

"I wasn't normal, not even before." Louis continues to squeeze more blood out of the scratches. "What do you mean?" Harry asks and Louis sucks in a breath. "My dad abandoned me when I was a baby, I think my mother still blames me for that a little bit. She always loved but she didn't seem to look at me the same way she did with my sisters. I lost my virginity at thirteen and since then I used it as a way to cope. That's why I was always so loud, I liked the attention it got me, even if it was negative." A few small tears run down Louis cheeks and it breaks Harry's heart.

"I'm sorry Louis, i'm horrible and i'm selfish. I had-" Harry starts but Louis cuts him off. "Don't be silly Harry, even when you didn't like me you were always there for me, in fact I had no idea you didn't like me." Harry shakes his head. "You must think what a horrible little rich boy, bringing me here and parading his expensive presents and loving family." Louis laughs. "That couldn't be so far from the truth Harry. You didn't want me to spend Christmas alone, so you brought me here. Your mother and sister brought me gifts because they wanted me to have something to open. They treat me like part of the family. It means the world and more to me."

"Remember when you tried to defrost bacon by putting it on the radiator." Harry says after a long period of silence to break the mood, the both of them burst out into laughter. "Remember when I edited your home work and changed every third word to penis." Harry narrows his eyes in a joking manner. "A got told off for not taking my work seriously, I hate being told off by teachers." Louis laughs even harder. "Poor little teacher's pet."   

"Boys are you ready to go?" Louis and Harry take their bags and head down stairs. "I'm going to miss my baby so much." Anne pulls Harry into a massive hug. The car journey feels like a really long one because of the dread in the pit of Louis stomach, eventually when they get home, they find Liam standing outside the door.

"Is everything Liam?" Harry raises an eyebrow, Louis stands behind Harry feeling a little scared. "Zayn broke up with me because of you." Liam snaps. "I haven't even spoke to Zayn?" A look of confusion spreads over Harry's face. "Not you Harry, him." Louis doesn't end up saying anything, he can't get the words out of his mouth. "Did you those things because he didn't want to sleep with you?" Louis mange's to say something this time. "What are you talking back?" Liam's eyes darken. "Not everyone wants to sleep with you, slut." Harry pushes Liam away, they both watch in shock as he heads off into the direction of Zayn's room.

"What was all that about?" Harry asks when the both of them are safely in the room. "I've never asked Zayn to sleep with me, i'm not sure what he's talking about." Louis babbles. "Okay, so did something happen between you and Liam?" Louis bites his lip. "I pushed him because he touched me and said something's he retaliated and punched me in the mouth. We made up and I think he only told Zayn half of what happened because when he asked me about it, I put my foot in it and told him everything."

"So you are saying Liam didn't tell Zayn he hit you? and he's mad because you told Zayn?" Harry raises an eyebrow. Louis nods thinking Harry's going to be mad at him as well. "Talk about being a love sick puppy." A little bit of a smile creeps onto Harry's face, Louis relaxes a little knowing Harry isn't mad at him.

"You should talk to Zayn and try and make him forgive Liam." Harry tells Louis while he waters his cactus." Louis watches him for a few seconds. "I didn't know you needed to water cacti." Harry nods. "Yeah, just not very often. So are you going to talk to Zayn?" Louis rests his head on Harry's shoulder. "Yeah, i'll mention it when we're in class together." The bile rises in the pit of his stomach, Christmas came and went by so quickly. Louis has been in his safe, happy bubble over the festive period, getting closer with Harry and being treated like part of the family, Louis just isn't ready for it to be over yet.      

Louis opens facebook on his phone and see's he's invited to one of his teaching class' party. Tyler doesn't do teaching so hopefully, he won't be there? "Harry, fancy going to a party with me tomorrow."


	24. Disaster strikes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry leans something important

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, i've started a new job so i'll only be posting Wednesday for now :-)

Louis is an idiot, that's all what is going through Harry's mind right now. Since they two of them have arrived from back home Louis has been in a strange mood, of course he's going to feel down but he actually invited Harry to a party, at first he had said no but changed his mind when Louis said he was going to go anyway, Harry isn't happy about it but he knows Louis going to this party, especially alone will be a disaster.

"Why don't we stay home and watch Game of Thrones instead?" Harry pulls out the massive box set and smiles at Louis. Louis has been begging Harry to watch the series for the last couple of years and Harry had always said no. He had seen some of the first episode and after a wolf was murdered, he just couldn't watch anymore. Harry can see Louis is tempted. "No, I want to enjoy myself one last time before school starts again."

So that's it, Harry is walking towards the party with Louis.  "I hate parties." Harry wraps his scarf tighter around his neck because it's freezing cold, Louis is only wearing skinny jeans and a t-shirt with no coat, Harry on the other hand has a hat scarf, gloves and a thick winter coat over his skinny jeans and jumper. "You don't have to come, you can just go home." Harry would love nothing more than sit in front of the heater and a read a book but he's going with Louis and that's final. "No, I rather fancy a party." Harry lies.

"Who's party is this?" Harry asks in disgust when they reach a house, to Harry in looks like a rundown shack. "Jordan, he's in my teaching class." Harry shudders. "They better have champagne." Louis laughs. "Of course they don't Harry." Harry follows Louis into the house and it looks even worse on the inside. Harry feels relived when he finds Zayn in the kitchen, he never gets all that drunk and is almost as sensible as Harry, almost.

"Zayn, that god you're here." Harry pats Zayn on the shoulder, clear liquid spills out of Zayn's red cup. "Watch ittt Harryyy." Zayn slurs and great Zayn is drunk. "How are you drunk already?" Louis laughs, Zayn's eyes aren't focused. "I miss Liam." Is all he says while pouring half a cup of vodka straight into his cup. "I'm not sure you should be doing that-" Harry starts but Zayn cuts him off. "Shut up." Is the last thing he says before disappearing into a crowed of bodies.

Harry turns to Louis, who looks a little shocked and upset. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all." Louis squeezes his fingers down into his wrist. "Louis love, don't do that, it's ok we can go home." Louis eyes doesn't leave Zayn, who is now dancing with someone. "No, I want to stay." Louis pulls away from Harry and downs three shots of tequila straight, that someone had left out on the work surface. "Louis, you don't know who poured those, it could have been anything." Louis shrugs. "To be honest Harry, I couldn't care less." Louis grabs a bottle of Jack Daniel's and walks off before Harry gets the chance to stop him.

"Harry?" Harry looks up and see's Zayn has returned with his arm slung around Tyler. "Surprised you let that one get away, he's easy." Tyler says but Harry can only raise an eyebrow at him. "Like he would go anywhere near you." Harry goes to walk off but Zayn says something which makes Harry's blood run cold. "What did you say?" Zayn bites his lip. "What Tyler did Louis was an accident, he was just telling me about it." Zayn looks over Harry's shoulder to look for Louis. "Where is Louis, we came over here to apologise to him."

Harry zones out, Zayn's words echo around his brain, he can hear the sound of the party but can only feel himself zoning further and further away from reality. "It was you, you fucking Bastard." Harry reaches behind him and grabs a glass bottle from the counter behind him and smashes it over Tyler's head, bits of glass and liquid fly everywhere. Tyler has a huge seeping cut on his forehead but he doesn't look like he gives a shit. "How dare you." Tyler grabs Harry by the shoulder and punches him hard in the nose, blood splatters everywhere, Harry is sure his nose is broken but he's too angry to feel pain right now.

"Stop please, just stop." Niall pushes Tyler out of the way just in time to dodge a punch from Harry. "What the hell is going on here?" Niall practically screams, Zayn is the only one who seems calm right now. "We came over here to apologise to Louis and Harry went ham and smashed a bottle over Tyler's head." Niall turns to Harry. Harry takes a deep breath and wipes his bloody nose with the back of his hand. "No amounts of sorry will ever fix what he did Louis." Zayn rolls his eyes. "Louis needs to get a grip, Tyler knocked him out and he apologised, end of." Niall takes a sharp intake of breath, Harry knows he's clicked. "You are even worse than Tyler Zayn, you're Louis best friend." Somehow Niall manages to keep his cool. Tyler bites his lip, getting scared now. "Yeah, it was just a joke, I never really touched him." It's Zayn's turn to look confused. "You said you did touch him but it was an accident?"

"He raped Louis, Zayn." Niall screams, he didn't mean to say it out loud but the anger had got the better of him. "No, Louis always goes back with random guys, he probably just got drunk and didn't remember?" A tear rolls down his cheek "Tyler, tell me it isn't true?" Tyler scoffs. "Get over it Zayn, he always thought he was too good for me, so I taught him a lesson that's all."      


	25. Same mistakes again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finds out his nose is broken

Harry is sat in the emergency room waiting area, just a piece of rag stopping the bleed. He had never wanted to leave Louis at the party but Niall insisted Harry needed to go and he would stay at the party with Louis, while Zayn accompanies Harry to hospital. "You can go home, I don't like you." Harry says for at least the 30th time. "I don't know how many times I can say sorry Harry but-" "Shut up." Harry cuts him off, he has a pounding head and Zayn with his fake apologises are making it worse. "Why would you even go near someone like that?" Zayn sighs, even more dramatic this time. "Harry, I already said I didn't know." Harry narrow his eyes. "You are a horrible friend, Louis trusted you."

"Zayn, oh my god are you ok?" Harry and Zayn both turn their heads to see Liam walking into the emergency room. "Unfortunately bad friendships can't be treated at the hospital so as you can see we're here for me." Harry scoffs. "What is your problem Harry? He's dropped everything to look after Louis even when the little shit punched me." Harry rolls eyes. "Because my best friend was raped by the guy this dickhead here was flirting with." Harry just comes out and says it because everyone will know by now. "I didn't know Tyler raped him, I thought they had a fight that's all." "You were flirting with another guy?" Liam asks, clearly shocked, Harry butts in before Zayn has the chance to say anything. "No concern for Louis, how nice of you Liam."

"Harry Styles, the doctor will see you now." A nurse calls Harry in. "Thank god, I hate you both." Harry says as he walks off.

"Good evening Harry, can you tell me why you are here and why it happened." Harry tears the rag away from his nose and flashes the bloody mess to the doctor. "As you can see i've hurt my nose, someone punched it." Harry waits as the doctor writes it down in his notes. "Are you pressing charges Harry?" Harry knows he can't press charges because he did worse to Tyler but on the bright side, Tyler can't say anything for what he did to Louis. "No, it was just an accident." The doctor writes it down but clearly doesn't believe Harry.

The doctor does a few physical tests to make sure it's only his nose and not a head injury. Then helps Harry stop the bleeding before looking up his nose to make sure everything is fine. "Ok Harry, I think we can confirm it's broken but there is nothing we can do today, so we'll send you a appointment to have it straightened with the swelling has gone down in a few days. Harry thanks the doctor and heads for the door. "Harry, i'm going to give you these, make sure you have a read of them, it could save your life." Harry takes the leaflets and walks out of the room. Harry looks at the leaflets in his hand, _Am I a victim of domestic violence, Domestic violence help lines and centres._ Harry has a little chuckle to himself and drops them into the bin. 

"Harry." Harry looks behind his shoulder and sees Zayn walking towards him, he doesn't bother to acknowledge him and walks towards the exit. "Harry..." Zayn calls out again but Harry carries on walking, anything Zayn has to say isn't important. "It's Louis." Harry stops dead in his tracks and turns around this time, Zayn looks a little upset and Harry's heart starts to race. "They've rushed him in, Niall found him unconscious on the floor after drinking a  bottle of whisky.

"Is your nose broken?" Zayn asks Harry while they walk together into the bay's in the emergency department. "Yours will be if you don't shut up, we are not friends Zayn and I haven't forgiven you." Is the last thing Harry says before walking into the bay. Louis is awake but looks terrible, his face is white and Niall is holding a cardboard sick bucket under his mouth.

"He's been asking for you." Niall tells Harry as he stands up and let's him take his seat. "The doctor will be back in a second, the nurse said they need to pump his stomach." Harry sighs and strokes Louis hair. "I'll be here with you, don't worry." Louis grimaces and somehow Niall manages to get the tray in front of Louis face before he's sick again. "Aww Louis, it will be over soon."

The doctor gets there a few seconds later and sends everyone out of the room. "I wish I could stay with him, I feel awful." A tear rolls down Harry's cheek. "This is all your fault Zayn, why are you even here?" Harry snaps but Niall stands in front of him. "Zayn feels bad enough already Harry, but I do thinks it's best you go home." Zayn nod and shuffles off, Liam follows behind him.

"We are going to keep Louis in over night to monitor him, the suction went fine his throat might be scratchy for a few days but it's nothing to worry about. We are going to keep him clinical decision's unit just because he had so much to drink but unless there are any complications you can pick him up tomorrow." Niall seems to have been taking it all in while Harry is going out of his mind with worry.

"Can't I go and see him? He's my boy- my best friend." The nurse shoots Harry a pitted look. "I'm afraid not, it's really late and Louis needs all the rest he can get." Niall nods and thanks the nurse and starts to drag Harry away. "I would get that nose looked at if I were you." Is the last thing Harry hears as Niall drags him around the corner.

"Look Harry, there is nothing we can do. It's not the nurses' fault and he's really drunk anyway. I'll drive you over and we'll pick him up tomorrow." Harry follows Niall out of the hospital but he's not happy about it.

Once again Harry feels like he's failed Louis.        


End file.
